Who Is Jacklyn Hyde?

My 2009 Goals

2008-12-31T14:08:00.000-07:00

As I've explained in previous entries, I have found that making resolutions for the New Year is just begging me to get mad at myself by mid-February. A couple of years ago, I was given the idea of making a list of goals and seeing if I can live up to them. Here's what I have for 2009:

1. Finish at least three pieces of writing in at least two different genres. I can write. It’s the finishing the writing that can kill me! It’s time to follow through with my work a lot more carefully. Also, I want to make sure I don’t get lost in one form of writing and forget that I can do poetry as well as prose.
2. Spend time actually talking with my husband rather than sitting side-by-side on our respective laptops. Right now, half of our conversations revolve around what we’re reading on Columbus Underground. This could stand some improvement.
3. Get to know my students as more than data on my computer. This wouldn’t be difficult in a lot of classrooms, but I don’t get to meet a majority of my kids in person. Almost everything I get is through the phone or email. I have to find ways to make them three-dimensional; the way I hope they view me.
4. Get my blood pressure / pulse rate under control. I’ll need a lot of outside help with this, but right now I’m scared about what’s happening with my health. This needs to be fixed or I will be useless to the people around me.
5. Sing in public again. Sadly, one of the downsides of last year’s goals was that my Opera Columbus audition rendered me terrified of being heard. Let me qualify this. I’m not afraid of singing at the top of my lungs in a crowd, but being singled out by a solo or (heaven forbid) a microphone is plain scary. Time to deal with this. Any song suggestions?
6. Take at least one trip by myself. It’s been so long since I’ve traveled alone. Well, I have the whole summer to myself as my salary has been spread out over the entire year. I need a ME vacation like the kind Laurali takes (I was always a little jealous of her ability to do so).
7. Improve my cooking skills. In particular, I need to improve my knife skills. My amazing stepmother-in-law (we’ll call her Smom) has offered to take me in for a week and get me completely comfy in the kitchen. I love this lady to death and will probably take her up on it.
8. Be able to walk a 5K by the end of 2009. Considering Goal 3, I have to be a little careful with this one until my heart issues are handled. However, my mother walks this amount every day and has similar issues AND two replaced knees. Considering how much weight she’s lost, I have to look to her for inspiration.
9. Host at least two “girls nights”. That’s right. I actually have some good gal pals. It’s time to be as good as them as they have been to me. I wish I could throw a big bash for everyone who made 2008 a great year for me, but there’s not a lot of room, which leads me to…
10. Find a new home for the Rockhubby and myself. No, I have no intentions of leaving Columbus. I like it here! However, our place is not only too small to entertain our friends, it’s also on the wrong side of town from his new office. We’re not ready to buy anything yet, but renting something roomy in a new neighborhood sounds like a good plan to me!

2008 Goals List

2008-12-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Instead of making a bunch of resolutions that I'll never keep, the last two years have been a list of ten goals I hope to attain in the New Year. This was a list of the top ten goals I set for myself at the beginning of this year. Well, it's only a few more days until 2009 so it's time to see how I did...

1. Audition for Opera Columbus. This I managed. I bombed it, but I showed up and made an attempt. Notice that I didn't pledge to get in to the company, just try out for it.

2. Write a little every day. It wasn't always much more than a little journal writing, but I followed through with this one. I've even completed a couple of creative pieces.

3. Get at least two interviews for a full time teaching job. This year I landed more than two with an actual job offer, so this one is definitely an attained goal.

4. Pay at least a third off my credit card. Ack, not so much with this one. I had planned to use a third of my salary for this but Rockhubby's temporary unemployment at the end of the year put this on hold.

5. Get some quality time with my niece. I only was able to see the little one once this year, but I had a ball with her during that weekend. It depends on your definition of quality.

6. Write a will. Didn't get to this one at all. Mostly we didn't feel like we had anything to save.

7. Take better care of Pandora. She isn't thrilled with the "care" she's getting, but she's getting healthier.

8. Cook with my husband. I still hate knives. I still hate cooking. However, I did a decent amount of prep work this year. My stepmother in law has offered to have me stay with her for a week to learn the basics and get some decent knife skills so I don't constant feel like I'm about to draw my own blood.

9. Restart my training schedule. This I did until my health forced me to stop, so I'll put this in the yes category. I'm hoping to go back once I know what's going on.

10. Go out with friends at least one night a month. This is definitely happening now that I've gotten off my butt and have made a bunch of new friends and acquaintances. There's empty whining that I don't get out and then there's doing something about it.

How did I do? 7.5 by my reasoning (I give half points on the "quality time" since it was largely out of my control). That isn't too bad! I'll have to come with a whole new list for 2009 next week.

Catching up

2008-12-01T19:06:00.001-07:00

* My students have kept me on my toes. One had a bad house fire and had no electricity as of last week. Another's family cannot afford their cable or phone bills and hasn't been reachable to discuss the school covering their internet tab. Yet another is currently homeless. Not sure when I have time to actually educate them.
* Thanksgiving weekend was cool as hell with the Rockhubby's family. Dinner was great and the side visit to the Newseum was an adventure all of its own. His stepmother Elyse is an amazing hostess and a killer cook. She has invited me to come out on my own this summer for an immersion in practical cooking. I just felt terrible for Elyse's daughter (my stepsister-in-law) who got stuck in the middle of horrible DRAMA with her father's family. It was ugly.
* I love train rides. I could have done without the 2 1/2 hour delay on the way home that got us home at 5:30am today. Most of the morning found me still feeling like I was on the train with all the shakiness.
* Pandora survived a stay with the vet. I requested they give her a "sanitary grooming". What a shock to find out they gave the poor cat a Brazilian butt wax. No wonder she was in a bad mood!
* It's looking like we will be back to the DINK lifestyle within a few weeks. Details will be forthcoming as I have them!

Down but not out writing-wise

2008-11-08T12:47:00.001-07:00

Got the news from my friend Kit that my play didn't make the final cut for production at Madlab, but that it was damn close. After an initial teensy wave of "CRAPITY CRAP" (but not that nice), I realized that if I made it this far after not writing an original play in fifteen years, I can do better next time. This is what I'm supposed to be doing with my creative energy. Just like my brother is writing screenplays, his wife is making amazing jewelry and my childhood friend Rich is... well, he's writing in every genre but Italian sonnet (but he probably could). I've always loved writing plays!

Now, what do I write about next? I have an idea based on my own marriage called "Rocket Science", but I would need a LOT of help from the Rockhubby for the technical jargon I'd want to write into the script. Otherwise it would come off as lame as the Professor on Gilligan's Island. I wonder how many playwrights try to tackle relationships, astrophysics and farting in the bedroom in one script?

Questionaire

2008-11-03T15:09:00.002-07:00

Welcome to the new 2008 edition of getting to know your family and friends. Here is what you are supposed to do, and try not to be lame and spoil the fun. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Have fun and be truthful!

1. What is your occupation right now?
Title I teacher at an online charter school.

2. What color are your socks right now?
I'm barefoot at the moment until I'm ready to go to the gym.

3. What are you listening to right now?
Judge Judy because Rockhubby has it on.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Really good chicken stir-fry courtesy of Rockhubby

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Not very well and not in traffic.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My mother to find out about Dad's broken ankle.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Laurali is a lovely gal, what's not to like?

8. How old are you today?
36

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Hockey

10. What is your favorite drink?
Red table wine

11. Have you ever et iced teadyed your hair?
Never heard of this before

12. Favorite food?
Gnocchi bolognese, which I rarely get to eat

13. What is the last movie you watched?
I have no idea, to be honest.

14. Favorite day of the year?
New Year's Eve. It's a fun time of year

15. How do you vent anger?
Venting if I can, writing if I cannot

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
A plush Big Bird

17. What is your favorite season?
Autumn

18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Neither, to be honest

19. When was the last time you cried?
When I got an email from a student thanking me for being her favorite teacher.

20. What is on the floor of your closet?
Sweaters that have fallen on the floor, a couple of boxes

21. What did you do last night
Went to a beer tasting in Athens, OH and out to dinner with friends.

22. What are you most afraid of?
Being broke.

23. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese burger

24. Favorite dog breed?
Sheepdog or clever mutt

25. Favorite day of the week?
Thursdays because of the anticipation of Friday

26. How many states have you lived in?
Two

28. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds with opals

29. What is your favorite flower?
Carnations.

Hurricanes in the Midwest?!?

2008-09-20T16:49:00.002-06:00

In case you didn't hear it, we were whacked with hurricane force winds here on Sunday that took out power across the state, although we were absolutely fine the whole time. Repairs were further delays because most of Ohio's emergency electricians were deployed to Texas. Friday was my first day with full school capacity, but many of my students are still unable to use their phones or computers. We're hoping the governor will add an extra week of "contingency" days onto the state school year.

Feeling mischievous

2008-09-15T19:07:00.002-06:00

Lumpy Mama (but healthy Mama)

2008-09-02T13:38:00.002-06:00

Mom called me last night sounding dreadful. "I found a lump in my left breast."

My family is known for being on the dramatic side, but I could tell she wasn't just drawing out a story. She has been doing a fantastic job losing weight and exercising, but something had felt odd as she swung her arms back and forth during her daily walk. She found the lump in the shower yesterday morning and immediately called her OB-GYN, who was out of the office for the holiday. Mom apparently went into a tailspin all day, crying and sleeping, but unable to eat or drink anything besides water.

My reaction to this story? "Hey, isn't it great that you didn't just dive into the refrigerator? This weight loss plan is really working! Now, about the lump, remember you've had these before and you were fine?" It's true. She's had several fibroid tumors removed from both her breasts with no problem.

"That was almost ten years ago. What if this one is different? Why can't I get in touch with the doctor? Maybe I should just camp out in front of the office door in the morning."

I sighed and went into full crisis aversion mode. "Mom, Dr. S will be there in the morning and will absolutely juggle her schedule for you because it's an emergency. In the meantime, you need to let this go for a few hours and try to relax. Keep repeating to yourself that there's nothing you can do about it right now. If you wake up in the middle of the night, repeat that as a mantra and you'll bore yourself back to sleep. "

"I've done nothing but sleep all day. Sleeping, that I can do." I could hear a little lifting of her mood over the phone.

"Good. In the meantime, send me some recipes if it'll help pass the time. I can't figure out anything to cook that I won't ruin. How do you NOT overcook chicken?"

We talked on other topics for a good half hour until I was certain that she could function, and then excused myself so Rockhubby and I could walk to a friend's house for a cookout. When I called to check on her before bed, Dad answered the phone. Apparently he had been unable to comfort or calm Mom all day, and she was happily playing solitaire and watching television after my conversation with her.

Wow. I guess I owed her one after all the times she talked me down from the rafters.

The best part is that Dad called me in the morning. Definitely just the usual fibroid cyst, so the panic is over as quickly as it started. He thanked me again for all my help. I was so surprised, I didn't know what to say.

Crisis averted, Mom still lumpy but not sick, daughter could use a gin and tonic in an hour.

It's official!

2008-08-12T11:18:00.001-06:00

I can finally make this public. I will be teaching full time by the end of the month! The Electronic Classroom of Tomorrow, aka ECOT, has called me in for all the HR paperwork and training my heart can desire. In addition, they have scheduled someone to come out and set up my own Internet work line.

Right now, the hubby and I are having some conflicting ideas of where I'll set up shop in the house. He thinks I'll be fine in the living room since the strongest wireless connection is there. I think that's a terrible idea because I can't sit comfortably and work in there and would prefer to neaten up the office, which is currently more of a book repository (our combined library is more than our shelf space). We'll see how this pans out when the cable guy comes out on the weekend.

Migod, even after a full month of pretty much knowing I had this job in hand, it's still so crazy knowing that I was one of the lucky people to land a full-time teaching job. It's even crazier that I'll be telecommuting instead of driving halfway across the county as I have been for the past three years. I'm hoping to put my first paycheck towards that bicycle I had been eyeing this summer. If I'm not going to be running around a "brick and mortar" classroom, I'm going to need a reason to stay in shape.

BTW, I will be blogging about my school experiences, but that will be in my super secret journal that allows me to make entries private for friends. Let me know if you're actually interested in reading, and I'll send the link!

RIP Laptop

2008-08-07T11:05:00.000-06:00

Unless my second opinion from The Laptop Guy yields an ability to repair a fried motherboard for under $300, I may offer to sell what's left (including a new hard drive) for scrap. Crudbunnies. According to my first opinion, I had neglected to unplug it during a lightning strike or some other power surge, and the whole thing went to hell one system at a time. I don't totally trust that first opinion, which explains why I'm getting a second one.

It's been an interesting week. Rockmaster hubby is still playing with bats all night and stumbling to bed between 3 and 4 am. I've been trying to amuse myself during the evenings, including taking myself out to dinner last night for amazing green pizza (The Hulk from Bono TO GO) and the most decadent nutella crepe I could imagine. The sugar high kept me going well through The Daily Show.

To be honest, I'm enjoying the opportunity to explore The Town of Cow on my own. I like going out and hanging with the guys over a beer, or just sitting with a book over a plate of something yummy.

Good deed by the drama queen

2008-08-04T10:33:00.001-06:00

A quick word of advice. If you're scheduled to give blood in the morning, make sure to get a good night's sleep as well as a good breakfast with PLENTY of fluids. I kinda screwed this up on Saturday and almost took a nice belly flop trying to get to my cookie and juice. Thankfully, another donor saw me start to swoon and got someone over to help me to a cot. It was a little embarrassing having to lie down right at the entrance while swathed in cold towels. Apparently I sweat like a maniac when my blood pressure crashes.

Ah well, at least I didn't hoard my spare pint. Just need to be a little smarter about it.

Doing well!

2008-07-25T09:36:00.003-06:00

My laptop is repaired after the hard drive completely fried itself. I blame the summer heat. Now, the hubby and I are disagreeing on setting up things. He wants me to be able to run it as a thin client on our fileserver (which was built from the bones of my old desktop). I want to use my computer independently but back it up on the fileserver in case disaster once again strikes. Considering I didn't know what a thin client was until a few months ago, he probably has logic on his side. Hey, as long as I can take it to Stauf's or Luck Brothers and work over a cup of coffee and a pastry, I'll be happy.

Retook a technology test this morning for one of the schools thinking of hiring me. I think I passed, although I'm really rusty on PowerPoint. If that goes well, I should be okay for work this fall. The trick will then be to at least tithe onto Mastercard that which is Mastercard. Since we're now talking about taking advantage of the buyer's market and looking for a house in the next year, I should make sure our credit isn't wrecked.

The odd thing is, I'm enjoying this. It took me a long time, but it's fun to be an adult. Being married is pretty good too, even the nights when I'm on the couch to avoid the snoring upstairs.

Grampa's feeling better

2008-07-18T14:24:00.000-06:00

I'm assuming he is, because he apparently went out on a date a couple of nights ago. I'd call to ask how it went, but I don't want to embarrass him too much. Considering this was his first FIRST date in seventy years, I'm sure it was a little nerve-wracking for him.

Must admit, I was surprised when my dad told me about it. Grampa swore he was never going to date and would live the rest of his years on his own. I'm glad he decided against this. He's a good looking man who acts at least fifteen years younger than his age, he has most of his original teeth, can still drive at night and can ballroom dance like a champ (I could barely keep up with him at my wedding reception). Hell, I would consider signing him up for an AARP edition of The Bachelor!

I'm really, really happy that he isn't relying solely on my parents for company. I really, REALLY hope the lady he's seeing has good hearing, so every other word in the conversation isn't,

WHAT???

My new addiction

2008-07-16T11:34:00.001-06:00

http://www.etiquettehell.com/

Deliciously horrific tales of dunderheads.

Faceache and other annoyances

2008-07-15T11:57:00.001-06:00

Well, yesterday was my first day back to work without prescription painkillers since my wisdom teeth were yanked. I was hurting so much, my ears started to ache and pop. Stupid me left for the office without bringing any Advil with me. Thankfully, one of the new accountants had four left, so I'm gulped them down as I typed. Today, I'm back home and back on the Tylenol with codeine.

Rockmaster hubby went on one of his purchasing benders and came home from Target with a flat screen television. I was NOT happy because I wasn't consulted or even warned (he had just gone out for some generic pharmacy stuff) until I tripped over the box in the kitchen. While I can understand why he picked it up (we had HD cable with a crap screen, the set was on sale, it was the last one), I was upset that he didn't call me with this plan. We probably would have argued a bit but then I would've given in, but I was out of the loop. He finally realized that I was sincerely upset, not about the television (which I might figure out how to use in a month) but about the lack of discussion. He apologized profusely, especially since I threatened to leave all the sets in the house tuned in to "I Love Money" if he does this again.

Once I've signed a contract with a school and once he's secure in his current job or elsewhere, I'll breathe a lot easier. We'll be able to live the DINK (duel-income, no kids) lifestyle at that point, and I won't mind an impulse purchase near as much. Fortunately, we still have plenty of savings so I can buy a bicycle soon.

Wisdom-less

2008-07-10T17:45:00.001-06:00

Teaching interview was yesterday, wisdom teeth removal was today. Both went surprisingly better than expected. I'll post more details when I'm feeling a little more with it.

A Challenge!

2008-06-26T08:08:00.001-06:00

The Challenge:
- Post 3 things you've done in your lifetime that you don't think anybody else on your friends list has done.
- See if anybody else responds with "I've done that." If they have, you need to add another! (2.b., 2.c., etc...)
- Have your friends cut & paste this into their journal to see what unique things they've done in their life.

1. I ran away with the circus for a weekend. It's a long story, but I got to pet a lion and my friend did NOT elope with the dog trainer, so it had a happy ending.
2. I rode a zipline course through a rainforest in Alaska. It was breathtaking, even when I got stuck and had to pull myself about twelve feet.
3. I modeled a t-shirt for a Famous Amos Cookies ad. I was in fourth grade and kept complaining that the cookies had raisins in them.

Two years? Wow...

2008-06-24T19:26:00.001-06:00

Well, today is our second wedding anniversary. I'm honestly glad to say that it hasn't been easy, but it's been a partnership in progress. There were times that we were absolutely miserable and staring at each other like we were total strangers. However, I always make it top priority to make sure neither went to sleep mad at each other. It seems to do the trick. Every night, we talk through what's been bothering us about the day. It smooths things over so I don't sit up at night wondering what's wrong.

One of the downsides of marrying later in life is that we're a bit jaded. The last two years have been reteaching ourselves and each other to stop reacting as if we're still in the relationships that didn't work. This has not been easy because we've had some doozy exes, but it's worth it to look to the other side of the couch and know my decision was a wise one.

At least we're comfortable enough with each other that we went out for Mexican food and didn't hold back on eating the beans.

Buzz buzz

2008-06-22T09:21:00.001-06:00

The Rockmaster hubby and I wound up at Cafe Brioso from 6-11 last night for a Barista Jam. Tons of amazing lattes as well as demonstrations of how to use their espresso equipment, all for $5 (proceeds went to a charity purchasing bicycles for Rwandan citizens). I made a fairly decent espresso using the standard equipment and the guidance of a Cleveland barista named Wiggles. The hubby played with the pump machine that intimidated even the experienced baristas who had never seen one before (we heard it could possibly explode if used wrong).

The actual Jam was a latte foam decoration competition, with each entrant making three huge lattes and making designs using only the milk pour (no help from toothpicks or whatnot). The surprise winner was a guy from Grove City, beating out local favorite Chester from Luck Brothers. I slucked down his winning latte (SOMEONE had to drink these things once they were made) and can vouch that it was delicious as well as beautiful.

The only problem was that I was still wide awake until about 3:30 am and the cat STILL woke me up at 6. I should have dragged the hubby to the Tip Top with everyone else for the after party. A small amount of whiskey and conversation might have taken the edge off the coffee jitters.

The bane of Columbus living.

2008-05-24T11:43:00.002-06:00

Reading Lists!

2008-05-03T12:13:00.000-06:00

Taking a page from a Live Journal friend, here's a list from LibraryThing of 106 most read books. These are my results. Bold titles I've read, * titles I own but have not read, and Italicized titles I've begun but not finished. It definitely gives me some plans for summer reading!

Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell * (got it for my birthday but it's too big to carry to school)
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion*
Life of Pi
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged (I got through the first chapter and loathed it)
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales (I even read the parts not assigned in class)
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels and Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay (I should get this out of my car)
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon*
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Earthquake?!?

2008-04-18T07:44:00.000-06:00

I was woken up at around 6:40 this morning to the bed lightly shaking. I thought it was the cat, but Pandora was downstairs. Turns out a 5.2 earthquake all the way in Illinois made it all the way to Columbus. Pros slept through it, heavy sleeper that he is, but BOY was he excited by the news of the tremor.

Once Upon a Time, Part 1

2008-04-06T14:03:00.001-06:00

This is a story that popped into my head sideways. I'll be posting what I have a little at a time in the hopes that I'll decide where to take it next.

We were twelve, my sister Emily and I. It was early August, and the heat draped on our skin with beads of sweat and mud. We were too young to go to the cotillions with Mother and too old to throw dirt clods with the neighborhood kids, so we stuck together for company. This was okay, since Mother taught us that we’d been born together, so we might as well stick together. The neighborhood kids also couldn’t get over that we were two girls that looked exactly alike, so they tended to be a little distant with us.

I could never understand how anyone could mistake the two of us. As far as I was concerned, Emily was the pretty one. She had a pretty that came from deep inside her and radiated across her face. Mother said that she was graceful, but to me, that was what made Emily pretty. I was the one with my nose in a volume of Grimm Brothers or Hans Christian Andersen. It didn’t make me “the smart one”, just the one who looked for mermaids in the lake and fairies in the trees. Emily didn’t laugh for making her search with me, but maybe that’s because there was nothing in our reality that was as much fun as my fantasies. Mother never questioned my attachment to these stories because she knew Daddy used to read them to us. Emily would fall asleep after the first page, but I would stay awake, begging for the next chapter. Daddy left one night while we were sleeping, but he gave me his books and Emily his watch and wedding band before he closed our door for the last time.

Emily sat underneath the tree I was trying to climb. She had picked Black-Eyed Susans on our walk to the lake and was braiding their stems into a wreath. She barely needed to touch the flowers; they arranged themselves because Emily wanted them that way. That was part of her grace making everything pretty like her. My hands were quickly blistered from the effort of the climb up the sharp bark, and I was thankful I’d worn jeans instead of short, or my knees would have bled into the wood.

The image of giving my blood to the tree suddenly caught in my mind. “Hey, if I pricked my finger and fed three drops to the tree, do you think the dryad in it would wake up?”

“Dryad? I can’t remember, what’s that?” Emily looked up at me, but her fingers continued to lure the flowers into place.

“Dryads are forest nymphs, kind of like fairies. I read about them in Daddy’s Bullfinch’s Mythology.” I scrambled to a thick branch to catch my breath. “They can turn into trees when they want to hide from satyrs chasing them. Satyrs are half man, half goat, I think.”

I watched her turn this thought in her head. “Wow, I’d run from them too, I’d bet.” Her hands slowed. “Do they have goat’s heads or legs?”

“They have human heads and chests, but from the waist down is all goat, so they run really fast. Nymphs can run too, but dryads can turn themselves into trees so they don’t have to run.”

“That’s clever of them.” She held the completed wreath between her slender fingers. “This would be a perfect crown for a dryad, wouldn’t it?”

I nodded, “It would, but only as long as you didn’t pick the flowers from the trees they’re hiding in. It would be like pulling off one of their fingers.”

“Eeew, Sarah!”

“It’s true.” I tried to bring the exact story to the front of my head. “A woman picked a flower from a tree that was really a dryad in hiding. The dryad was so mad that she turned the woman into a tree and wouldn’t turn her back.”

Emily’s forehead creased in a frown. “That isn’t fair. Did the tree have a sign that said, ‘Warning: Dryad’? I’m sure the woman didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

I shrugged and ran my hands along the bark. “I didn’t make up the story. It’s the way things were. It just doesn’t happen as often now that it isn’t ‘once upon a time’.”

“Is that why people don’t believe the stories as much as they used to? Because ‘once upon a time’ was so long ago?” She looked up at me while placing the wreath on her own head.

“Once upon a time was probably a much better time for the dryads, the satyrs and everyone else.”

Me To You (an older poem of mine)

2008-04-03T18:50:00.004-06:00

You are to me the full moon,
Sometimes shrouded in clouds
Only around once in a while.
But when you are here with me,
You are clear and bright
Illuminating the right path
With just a touch of lunacy.

What, then, am I to you?

You are to me the exotic,
The combination of the Orient
With its grace and rhythm
And Italy’s brilliant colors.
I can count the many trips
Your heart takes between them.
I watch but dare not follow.

What, then, am I to you?

Am I the innocent child
Who amuses you for a while?
Or maybe the wide-eyed student
You wish to fill with wisdom?
Calm and patience flow from you
While I am so coltish and wild.
There is little I can offer
There is less you can use.

You are to me a sorrow,
A dream I can never have.
Only a shadow of what jewels
Lie outside my weak grasp.
You are so tantalizing.
You keep so distant
As we stand under the full moon.

What, then, could I ever be to you?

A Book Review (of sorts)

2008-04-02T14:03:00.003-06:00

Reclaiming Icarus: Reading The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky

I had never heard of David Dornstein until days after his death. It was Mr. Stefanisko, my 11th grade history teacher, who gave this person life and death in my mind. It was the last class of the day, shortly before Winter Break, when Mr. Stefanisko came into the room. His beefy face was damp and his eyes were unnaturally puffy and red.

After a few moments of catching his breath, he spoke. “I am assuming everyone in this classroom has paid enough attention to current events to know about the explosion of Pan Am Flight 103.” We all nodded, but our teacher stared beyond us all. “The school has just received the news that David Dornstein, one of my very best students, was on that flight. He was flying home from Israel, and he apparently had a copy of his first novel with him, the only copy.” Mr. Stefanisko’s voice broke with the last of his control, and he sobbed openly in front of the room. I sat in the front row, close enough to touch him, but I sat still in my seat, taking in the current event that was the explosion of an airplane over Lockerbie, Scotland, and giving it a name. It was then that I realized that this David Dornstein must have been Ken Dornstein’s brother.

Ken Dornstein graduated from my high school just as I moved to CHS to start my sophomore year, but my parents were teachers at the school and had given me copies of Ken’s work from the school newspaper. His final piece comparing writing the perfect college essay to eating frog’s legs was a study in pretzel logic. My grief in hearing about the older brother was the thought that he may have been as brilliant a writer as the younger one.

These were the thoughts that went through my mind when I found Ken Dornstein’s The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky on the shelf at Barnes and Noble. I quickly made the purchase, ran home and flew through the first section. The emotional recall that Ken was able to bring from himself pulled out that memory of Mr. Stefanisko breaking down in class, and I left the book on my shelf for over a year.

This was a mistake.

There are many lessons to be learned in this memoir of two intertwined brothers. From the stoic standpoint of a writer, this is a brilliantly researched and faithfully written piece of nonfiction. Every quote made in the book is substantiated by an immediate source, most often David’s own fanatical journal writing. Ken makes much in early sections about how David wrote about his predictions of an early death in an air accident. This unsettling but almost romantic image is tempered by the remembrance that David’s predictions coincided with the death of a beloved local celebrity in a skydiving accident. The link is substantiated in David’s journals, and Ken is able to move forward in his research rather than being bogged down in the tragedy.

Ken’s connection to own his grief and his obsessive need to “find” his brother lead the surviving brother to start “The David Project”, where he spent years reading through David’s journals and interviewing those who had any kind of influence on David’s life. Through a chance encounter on a train, Ken became reacquainted with Kathyrn, David’s college girlfriend. This meeting would lead to a complicated relationship that runs parallel to “The David Project”. Ken’s mixed feelings of love for Kathryn and guilt for stealing her away from a brother who could not claim her made for a story equally compelling as his emotions regarding the truths he continued to uncover about that brother.

Simply put, there was no novel.

This truth was one that had me run to the phone to call my parents. Did Mr. Stefanisko read this book? Did he know that “The Tragic Twist” reported about his star student was an unfounded myth? Sadly, they let me know my favorite history teacher is in a nursing home with dementia and probably would not even remember that David, Ken or I ever existed. Mr. Stefanisko had always had a touch of madness to his teaching persona, so this did not surprise me.

The madness of the teacher may also explain his emotion connection to his student. While Ken moved through David’s journals, he was able to piece together a story of a mentally tortured older brother he did not know. David suffered as he felt an artist should, but his writing did not grow as he thought it would. The elder brother’s mental health devolved over time, which the younger brother traced back to a possible molestation in David’s childhood. In this passage from David’s journal, he realized that he needed professional help:

YOU NEED TO STOP WRITING IN THIS NOTEBOOK, DAVID… Your life is not the biography of your life that you imagine. You can’t live a book. You can only live a life and if you’re lucky on day you will write the book of your life. But it needs to be done in that order…

Ken continued to research and write David’s life while living his own. He graduated from Brown in his brother’s footsteps and moved to California, then to Boston, where he moved in with Kathryn. His search for remnants of David took Ken to Lockerbie, The Hague and Israel, where he spent time with Rina, David’s last love before he boarded Pan Am 103. What Ken found was the real tragedy in David’s life was not his shocking death, but that he left Israel and Rina behind.

I emailed Ken Dornstein shortly after reading The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky:

When your book about David came out, I bought it immediately, but it took much time for me to get past that first chapter. I picked it up again on Monday and dealt with people asking what was making me tear up, then giggle. For me, it answered the biggest question about the Dornstein Family: would Ken keep writing after he left CHS?

Within a few days, Ken wrote back, remembering my family and our high school teacher:

Thanks so much for this thoughtful, sweet message. Just thinking of Mr Stefanisko being hit with that awful news creates such a sad scene in my mind. I'm glad you got some amusement from the book, among all of the bittersweet parts of it--most people don't know it's okay to laugh in some spots because of the gravity of the topic.

I'll do my best to keep writing, although my day job keeps me quite busy.

All the best,

Ken

Ken is definitely busy. Aside from being a Senior Editor and Producer for Frontline, he and Kathryn married and have two children. Neither are named for their late uncle.

REPOST: The Chicken Incident

2008-03-25T08:18:00.003-06:00

This is one of my assignments from my Nonfiction Writing Class. Please enjoy, even if it's at my expense...

The problem with family folklore is that the story gets so terribly drawn out and exaggerated. In my case, I am the victim of The Chicken Incident. This is a story that happened when I was a toddler, so I can't exactly give my side of the story, but that doesn't stop everyone in my family, including my little brother who obviously wasn't there, from telling the legend. It wouldn't be so horribly bad if they would pick better times to retell it. The guests at my rehearsal dinner just HAD to hear about The Chicken Incident? I'm just relieved my husband didn't simply stay out after his bachelor party after the sheer terror of the tale.

So what WAS The Chicken Incident? To be honest, I'd heard the story told by so many people that I wasn't quite sure of the details anymore. It was time to swallow my pride and go to the source. I had to call my parents and get the cold, hard truth. After all, they were the ones who allowed The Chicken Incident to occur. My father, sadly, was of little help remembering details other than he thought it was the fall. He quickly passed the telephone to my mother, who had already started giggling with her memories.

It was the autumn of 1974, the last full year of my reign as an only child. We had gone through almost the entire area of the Philadelphia Zoo with me kept off my feet and close to them. This was a good idea considering my unique style of exploring the world. Even at the age of two, I had a voice that could be heard for several city blocks. I also had skipped learning to walk and went straight to running on tiptoe. It was in my best interest to keep me from running headlong into the lion pit, so I am grateful in retrospect that I was not allowed to play with the pretty kitties.

Finally, they brought me to the petting zoo. There were already children my own age running around excitedly, playing with the goats, sheep and other animals. Released to stand on my own two feet, my arms shot into the air and waved wildly as I barreled past the smaller creatures and stopped before the largest cow I could find. Once I was nose to nose with the cow, I screamed with delight! The cow mildly turned her dark eyes on mine, and then licked me from my coat collar to my hairline. I screamed again, and then ran over to a goat to continue the process, my arms still waving, my feet still on pointe. I screamed at a sheep, and then ran over to a chicken I had passed at the entrance to the petting zoo. The chicken and I were almost the same height, but she had a half inch on my small, compact frame. We stood no more than a foot from one another.

I screamed happily at the chicken.

The chicken fell over backwards without a sound, her feet straight up in the air.

The denouement, according to my mother, was that a young man working in the park came running over, looking extremely upset. He insisted I be removed from the petting zoo immediately because I was upsetting the animals. My parents looked around at all the animals that were still standing and decided to not take their chances. We went home, my parents laughing the whole way and long into the evening. Of course, they had to tell everyone about The Chicken Incident. As my mother put it, "What are the chances your kid can do this? It was incredible!"

REPOST: My 2008 Top Ten Goals

2008-03-24T09:21:00.002-06:00

These were from January. I do this instead of resolutions, as I can assess them and review them on a regular basis. Here they are!

1. Audition for Opera Columbus. I've chickened out twice now. I have my audition pieces picked now so I'll know them too well to be nervous in the spring.
2. Write a little every day. How can I get published if I'm not writing? Hell, I have a computer on my lap a majority of my time at home.
3. Get at least two interviews for a full time teaching job. I've already had one in a large school district, but I need to get more practice! Time to get proactive.
4. Pay at least a third off my credit card. It's only one card, but ugh, I've wracked up a high debt.
5. Get some quality time with my niece. This one may be tough since we live a good distance from NYC, but it'll be worth it when she recognizes me from one time to the next.
6. Write a will. Maudlin, no? Well, Pros and I have been married for a while, and we're both getting older.
7. Take better care of Pandora. The guinea pigs are pretty self-sufficient, but I've manage to overfeed the cat into diabetes. She's doing much better, but I worry that I've cut her life span dramatically.
8. Cook with my husband. I've found that we get along really well in the kitchen when we work together. He's patient in showing me the best techniques to avoid slicing off a finger. Now, if I can only get him to wash a dish…
9. Restart my training schedule. I've been working with an amazing trainer, but I had to put that on hold while we got our income situation improved. Hopefully, this will pass.
10. Go out with friends at least one night a month. This follows up on my goal from last year of making new friends. I love Pros, but I need to have my own life as well, or we'll both resent each other.

I have decided...

2008-03-24T08:04:00.002-06:00

... it's time to resurrect this blog. I am heavily considering killing my MySpace account within the next month, but I love having an outlet for some of my writing. Besides, now that my intensely talented brother is on board the Blogger train, perhaps it is a sign that I need to punch my ticket again.

Sorry, bad metaphors there.

I'll probably have to update a few things, perhaps move some choice stuff over from the old blog, but I can handle a little less comment traffic for a little more contact with those I care about.

I'm BAAAACK!!!

Loss

2006-09-10T12:28:00.000-06:00

Sorry, taking a diversion from talking about the wedding to think about how everyone is going bonkers over the five year anniversary of the terrorist attacks in NYC and DC. I've made the decision to work for Pros' mom rather than go into school and sub. There is going to be a lot of lip service and pageantry tomorrow, with several moments of silence and a lot of emotion. It's just not how I want to spend the day.

Pros and I have different feelings on the subject of mourning loss. He thinks noting the anniversary of a bad event is plain stupid. I can see his point. Why bring up a bad feeling on what happens to be a perfect span of time from when it actually happened? Good times, sure, mark them. But why dwell on the bad times?

For me, it's something I do on rare occasions. I mark the anniversary of when Mur died. When I remember, I light a Yartzeit candle. It's a traditional way of marking the death of someone special in our lives. The difference between 9/11 and 12/ 3 (about the day Mur's body was found on a houseboat at St. Johns) is that I had no personal connection to the attacks. I lost nobody. Mur's death was a great loss, one that I feel almost every day. It's felt a little more on the anniversary because I can still hear my own voice, screaming that it just couldn't be true.

It's a middle of the road way of grieving, I guess. We'll see what it'll be like in two weeks. I promised Mama Hyde that I'd take her to the Flight 93 Memorial, since we're meeting back in Somerset at that time.

Wedding Saga Part V

2006-08-08T10:44:00.000-06:00

Saturday, June 24th, evening

Doc and I indeed made the drive from the hotel to Green Gables faster than anyone at the Jennerstown Speedway could have managed. By the time we ran upstairs to the Bridal Room, Cats and Laurali were ready for me to start throwing things at them to press and nonesuch. Unfortunately, it was hot and humid in the room, so we’re all trying to steamer. I was fine with the photographer coming in once I had my “foundation garment” on, especially considering it more closely resembled a bulletproof vest than a sexy bra, but my mother guarded the door as we fussed.

Grampa was allowed in once the skirt was pressed and on me and as I was being strapped into my corset top. With him was a pair of diamond earrings and a matching brooch on a pearl necklace. These were originally my Gram’s. I was told the earrings were mine to keep but the brooch was going back with him until I had a house with a burglar alarm, t not sweat despite thehus giving me the Something Old and Something Borrowed. Between them and Gram’s favorite orchids in my hair, I felt that the best of her spirit was with me even if she was too incapacitated to be.

Doc finished my hair and makeup like a pro. If she weren’t one of the best endocrinologists in Ohio, she’d be a killer soup-to-nuts wedding planner. Brad, the photographer, was eventually allowed in to take as many pictures as possible of me finishing my lipstick, adjusting the bodice of the corset so it wasn’t dangerously overflowing, and walking down the stairs without falling flat on my face. I stood in the lobby for a minute, letting the restaurant patrons stare at me, until Teresa forced me into the lobby of the reception room so she could bring Pros to me. I kept peeking around the corner. Omigod, he looked so gorgeous in that tux! We had a few minutes to just be silly, and then it was off to take a metric buttload of photos.

Brad decided that the first pictures were to be of me standing on a narrow stone footbridge in the middle of a small waterfall. I was NOT happy with this plan, as I am a klutz and was positive someone or something was going to get wet. He assured me that this was the best location possible and had his awesome assistant Cinnamon help me arrange myself in as comfortable a position as possible. Must admit, the photos turned out great, although Pros almost wound up falling in when it was his turn to join me on the footbridge. We then took another gazillion photos in the gardens around Green Gables, and I was starting to wonder if we’d ever bother to stop the photos and start the wedding. Thankfully, mercifully, Teresa called time and Brad warned us that he’d want more photos during cocktail hour. So much for a little alone time with my new husband and a cheese plate!

Pros and Wine Guy followed Cats to their places up front while my brother, with K's help, started to play the pre-processional waltz he had written. I stayed back in the reception hall with my family and Laurali, fairly antsy to start the ceremony. For some reason, I wound up singing the bridesmaid song from Ruddigore (my favorite G&S show) to calm my nerves. Laurali chimed in with me, and I’m told the back rows were cracking up listening to us. Finally, with one parent on each arm, we started to walk outside into the crowd.

Pros looked so gorgeous with that amazing smile on his face. Cats had borrowed her late father-in-law’s prayer shawl so she could look a little more rabbinical and less pastoral. The wedding march was exactly what I had asked my brother to compose and more. There was absolutely no rain in sight. This was going well!

According to Jewish tradition, Pros and I shared a cup of wine, said our basic “I Will” stuff, and then were told to have a seat. Anyone who didn’t know Cats was in for a treat, because she had decided to give one of her world-class sermons. To quote Cats’ blog on our wedding, “Now JH and her family are Jewish. Pros, her now-husband is not. He is a geologist.” HAH! She actually based her sermon on a rock she brought with her from Connecticut as a symbol of unity and cohesion. An entire row of geology grad students were highly amused and gave her much encouragement as she forged ahead with this analogy. We were finally allowed to stand up and recite our vows.

Then, the rings were exchanged. The only problem with the ring ceremony was that the humidity had caused my fingers to swell, making it very difficult to shove the damn thing onto my hand. I forced myself to not put it on myself and just shoved from my end while hoping it wouldn’t cut my knuckle like in the Billy Idol video. I really needed that second sip of wine after that! Suddenly, Cats finished talking, Pros and I had stomped on a wine glass (okay, it was a lightbulb, but his foot alone could have managed the real thing) and I was kissing my new husband while clinging to him in amazement.

We were married! We could live happily ever after! We… had to take more formal photos.

To be continued!

Wedding Saga Part IV

2006-07-25T11:06:00.000-06:00

Saturday, June 24th, morning

Considering I was told how anxious I’d probably be this night before the wedding, it was a struggle to get out of bed. The bachelorette party wore me out perfectly to sleep through the night. However, by 8:30 I threw on my bathing suit and shorts, kissed my almost husband as he slept off his bachelor party, and headed down to the lobby.

My original intention was to head straight to the hot tub at the pool, but that changed when I ran into Lynx. She’d just finished working out and was headed to the breakfast buffet and convinced me this was a good idea. It wasn’t as tasty as the Summit Diner but at least I didn’t have to drive anywhere. It turned out that Lynx and her husband, who was also still asleep, were in the room next to us. She promised us body work if we needed it. Pros definitely did, but I just wanted a good soak. She grabbed her suit and joined me in the hot tub for a while. It was so lovely to have a fairly normal conversation without a ton of emotion. After the rehearsal dinner, I was still a little drained and needed to recoup before the ceremony.

There was time to grab a quick shower to rinse off the chlorine and get my hair about as in shape as it would get before my dad would pick me up for a manicure appointment. Praise the SIL for making that appointment, as my hands were a disaster. Pros was just waking up as I was finished drying my bangs straight. He and the guys had found, in his words, “the cheapest bar in North America.” A bunch of the bikers were also there and kept him in whiskey and company well into the night. No lap dances for him, apparently, but that was to be expected in a town as quiet as Somerset.

SIL (here she is with my bro and K) and I had a great chat, although she was still very emotional about her grandmother’s passing. She was amazed at how much fun she’d had the night before and was already trying to plan a gathering of us all in the future. She was also doing marvelous work in keeping my parents calm and out of my hair. I marveled again at my brother’s great fortune for finding such a wife.

The time between returning from the manicure and leaving for Green Gables was a mix of napping and nerves. I wasn’t nervous about getting married, just anxious to get things started. Pros and I slept, listened to the radio, grabbed lunch with Lynx and Tony then slept some more…

By the time I was supposed to meet Doc to drive to Green Gables, I was insane to get out of the hotel. Unfortunately, Doc has never been as hyperpunctual as I am. When I worked for her and signed in patients for their 8:30am appointments, I usually knew she wouldn’t even see the front of the building until at least 9. This time, we had fifteen minutes to be at Green Gables as I’d promised my parents, but Doc was still in the shower. I simply clenched my jaw and tried to not throw the box with my dress in a hissy Bridezilla fit. It wasn’t like they’d shrug and start the ceremony without me, right? Besides, Doc drives insanely fast. We’d get there reasonably on time.

To be continued!

Wedding Saga Part III

2006-07-08T19:37:00.000-06:00

Friday, June 23^rd, evening

The wedding rehearsal, according to my conversation with Green Gables owner Teresa, was to start at 6:30 so that we could make it to the 7:30 rehearsal dinner. Unfortunately, Theresa had written it down for 7:00 and was busy with the wedding in progress. Fortunately, this was just fine as the best man was still enroute with our officiant. They made it by 6:45, hugs were exchanged with a very tired Cats, and we got organized.

The rehearsal itself was quick and more of a logistics plot between Cats and Teresa. My one concern was location. We had originally decided the back lawn would be an ideal setting, but Pros and I had realized that the patio overlooking the lawn would be a much better idea. Dad wanted to stick with the original plan and pointed out the improving weather. Pros pointed out the standing pools of water on the lawn. I pointed out how much we had spent on my wedding dress while pointing out said pools. Cats pointed out that she could conduct the service just fine from the exact point where she was standing. Teresa pointed out that we would all fit on the patio with no problem. Point, set, match.

Mom drove Cats back to Quill Haven to change clothes before dinner while the rest of us headed back to the Quality Inn. We were a little late due to the drive from Green Gables, so we entered the room to sighs of relief and some applause. Lots of cousins, tons of teachers (including my high school principal) and my new grandfather in law were there. I was amazed how happy New Grampa was to meet me, considering I had heard he wasn’t fond of anyone of any kind of ethnic minority. My Grampa, as usual, had the camera going at full tilt. This is a man who took pictures of the buffet at my 30^th birthday party, so I just shook my head and insist that not all pictures be posed so I could get a glass of wine during photos. Thankfully, he agreed long enough to pose with me and the wine glass.

As we settled in for dinner, I realized that Lynx and her husband were still not there. I wanted to call her to make sure she was okay, but realized I didn’t have her cell phone number, leaving me to stare at her place card on the front table. Cats kept me distracted by insisting that she sit in between Pros and me through dinner. I’ve known Cats a long time. Having her for a chaperone was one of the funniest moments of the weekend.

I’d talked about the rehearsal dinner with Pros’ stepmom, The Southern Belle. Belle agreed that something Cats had done at her rehearsal dinner was a good idea, so as we finished eating, she stood and requested everyone who wanted to talk, stand up in turn (she’s also a teacher and would have called on raised hands if need be) and tell the story about how they knew us. Oy, the stories had me laughing and blushing. My mother insisted on telling about the time I screamed at a rooster so loudly it keeled over dead. Hey, I was a toddler! About two thirds of the way through, Lynx and hubby stumble into the party and are quickly fed. The poor dears were caught in yet another downpour outside of Pittsburgh!

Somehow, Cats had the last word. Cats’ speech was, at first, identical to the story I told at her rehearsal dinner, and I’ll take the time to tell the story. Cats was a transfer student to Muhlenberg College, but her brother was already a sophomore. She was fine with his pals, but wanted to make her own friends. She went to the drama club party and made the mistake of bringing her brother’s friend Mitchell, a total letch. She realized this and decided to ditch him by sneaking off into a side room, which happened to be mine. I had a single room, but there was enough floor space for a sleeping bag and nothing else. Somehow, there were at least twenty people jammed in there. Cats popped her head into this room and yelled, “HIDE ME!!!” She then JUMPED OVER several people and landed on the bed behind me. By the time Mitchell made it to my dorm room door, Cats was totally hidden and safe. Later, she commented that she’d been at school for weeks and just wanted a friend of her own. Within a minute, I had her phone number committed to memory, and within two days we were inseparable on campus.

This story may have caused the only time I cried the whole weekend.

I could say a thousand things about the bachelorette party, but I'll limit it to the highlights:

An overabundance of redheads
Loud and fun cover band
Several rounds of drinks with an amazing group of gals
One lap dance from two of said amazing gals
Two bikers attracted by one lap dance
One bride shipped off to bed!

To be continued!

Wedding Saga Part II

2006-06-29T13:52:00.000-06:00

Friday, June 23^rd

Pros and I woke up early on Friday, and I was somehow famished! It’s probably a good thing we were at a Bed and Breakfast, right? Well, the not so good news was that no meals were included with the room, despite the café being completely open for business. I started to boil over and asked to talk to the owner. She told me that it was tough luck, that she bought the building after I made the reservation with the previous owner, and that no niceties were carried over to us. She was just so curt with me that Pros agreed we needed to take our $100 a night elsewhere. We quickly grabbed the last room at the Quality Inn and paid for our one night stay where we were. The breakfast at the Summit Diner was probably much better than the one Our Coal Miners Café would have offered anyway.

Hey, we’re all entitled to at least one Bridezilla moment, aren’t we?

We finished breakfast and lugged our stuff to our new hotel room. I was thrilled to note that the room had recently been recarpeted and the mattress was new. We then moved on to the next problem for the weekend, which was making sure Cats made it from her Pittsburgh flight (there are no airports in Somerset) to her room before the rehearsal. The storms we had driven through in Ohio were now centered over Pittsburgh, delaying her flight. A further delay was caused when a plane on the next runway landed without its landing gear. Any requests I made to my parents for help getting Cats were not heard, mostly because they were all at Wal-Mart gathering supplies. I was at another boiling point when Pros calmly picked up his phone and arranged for the best man (we’ll call him WineGuy thanks to his oenphile nature) and his wife (Doc) to swing to the airport on their way. As it made more sense for them to go 30 miles out of their way than it did for me to take a 130 round trip, I smooched the stuffing out of my almost husband and made it to my previously scheduled tea.

The Inn at Georgian Place is a little out of place in Somerset, as if someone grabbed a Southern plantation house and set it down on top of a hill in Central Pennsylvania. Their rooms were sadly booked for the entire weekend, so I had reserved the last tea time of the day for my mother and me. She included my sister-in-law (SIL, to keep it simple) and Laurali since they were already staying at Quill Haven Inn with her. Mom gave me my outfit for my wedding night, which surprised me because I had been expecting an elegant penoir set instead of the barely there slip nightie I unwrapped. The blue garter with it was also a little eye-popping. I put it in my purse for the wedding so I'd have something blue. SIL was more quiet than usual, as she was dealing with the suddent death of her grandmother, but she kept up with the conversation and was happy for my sake. Laurali seemed very focused on her bridesmaid tasks ahead of her and was astonished when I whipped out a green amber amulet on a sterling silver chain. Like I was going to forget my best friend!

After tea, I caught a ride back to the hotel after a quick stop at Quill Haven to see my brother, who was working with his VERY TALL friend K on the arrangement for the music he wrote for the wedding (here's a hint, my brother is the one with our great-grandfather's mandolin). As much as I love my family, I was getting a little anxious about the rehearsal, especially with Cats still stuck in Pittsburgh, so I perched myself on the bed, waiting for any news, until I accidentally fell asleep. Woke up in time to throw on a little black dress, call to make sure WineGuy, Doc and Cats were somehow timing their arrival meet us at Green Gables.

To be continued!

Wedding Saga Part I

2006-06-27T17:38:00.000-06:00

Thursday, June 22

We get on the road much later than I would have liked, but we had to pick up the tux, drop off the animals (the majority of time spent on that was spent trapping Pandora and forcing her hissing self into the carrier), eat something, load the car... Needless to say, my quiet down time with the family was a fleeting thought.

Little did I know that almost everyone would be caught in situations beyond their control. As Pros and I dodged hailstorms that lined Rte 70, my parents, grandfather and MOH (Laurali) were trapped on the PA Turnpike. An oil truck decided to slam into the wall of a tunnel and leak gas everywhere. Sheesh! They stopped at a conveniently located rest stop for a snack and listened for news with the truckers. Only Pros' father and company arrived in Somerset on time.

We arrived at our hotel around 7pm and found that the change in ownership of the hotel had killed the few things about it (besides locale near the wedding venue) that I liked. No phone or television, not even an alarm clock. Pros had to repair the air conditioning and the bathroom light fixture. We weren't even allowed to park on the same side of the street as the hotel because the preference was given to people eating in the cafe that had bought out the location. This was shrugged off as we joined my family for dinner.

I had thought to call Ruby Tuesday's to warn them a party of six was enroute, but there was a major BIKER RALLY in town, so it was really crowded. To make matters worse, there was a tour bus that arrived before any of us did. Who takes a tour bus to a biker rally?!? It took about 20 mintues, but the six of us were finally seated. Another ten minutes, the server was actually informed that she had people about to attack the salad bar, so we got said salad for free. My grandfather was also in the group, unfortunately alone due to the Alzheimer's which had taken full hold of my dear grandmother. He was having a ball with us, fortunately. The camera was already cranking out the pictures and the flashes, blinding everyone around us. I kept telling myself that I'd appreciate the photos later, and that I could always throw him in the lake at the wedding venue if he didn't behave.

Pros' father, stepmother and stepsister joined us for coffee and conversation. My father was floored at how much Pros' stepsister resembled Alicia Witt, so I'll just call her Alicia for blogging purposes. My brother and his wife? They were still stuck in the middle of two flights, thanks to a mess of weather. My father promised to pick them up so Pros and I could attempt some sleep. This was not an easy feat, considering the door to the hotel was locked in two places and was swollen shut on top of that. Pros managed to kick the door open in a studly manner. The air conditioning was starting to work, and I had moved the annoyingly fragrant candles to another part of the "suite" (two bedrooms connected by a bathroom).

We were dead asleep within minutes, but my eyes soon snapped open with the one horror I should have seen coming. No hair dryer in the room! My hair is rather wavy, and my bangs have a double widow's peak that resembles Ruth Buzzi in "Laugh In" unless they are dried straight. This had me stewing much of the night until I was able to force myself to the reasonable solution of a Walmart run in the morning.

To be continued!

Here we go!

2006-06-22T11:44:00.000-06:00

Pros and I are off to the wedding venue. Tra la! Yes, this is the actual location. Pretty, isn't it? A nice place to start a life with someone.

I'll have the details in a few days. Bye!

Waning days of living in sin

2006-06-20T20:33:00.000-06:00

Oy, why do I feel like I'm too calm for my own good? My dress is just beautiful, although I'm a little unsure if the zipper is 100% lined up with the pattern in the front of the skirt. The seamstress designed a drawstring to yank the skirt into a perfect bustle, which looks just fabulous! How she managed this, but handed me a choker that is two different widths depending on if it's on the left or right side of my neck is beyond me. I'm steadfastly refusing to sweat the details.

Organizing picture taking details for the photographer's contract is another OY. It's mostly a matter of figuring out as many permutations of family members we can stand before someone needs to bring me something alcoholic. Making matters a little uncomfy is how to arrange pictures with Pros' parents, considering his stepmother has done so much work while his mom is showing up. Slight balancing act.

Apparently, my MOH (well, we only have one attendant each) has been emailing like crazy with several gals who are attending the rehearsal dinner, guaranteeing I'll be whisked away for a bachelorette party. If they try to stick a veil on my head, I may have to hurt someone. I'm not wearing a veil for the actual ceremony! Hopefully, the best man and my brother will take Pros out for a martini or two.

My college roomie Cats is a goddess of a pastor! She's putting together bulletins at her own expense and has done a ton of research to make this a personalized ceremony. With friends like this, who needs rabbis?

The only pain in the butt has been my dad. He grumbled so much about having to drive to airports to get people, I'm doing it myself. This includes getting my brother and his wife in Johnstown (of flood fame), then the pastor in Pittsburgh. Grumble...

Further bulletins as events warrant!

The little ones

2006-06-15T08:20:00.000-06:00

I have nothing to really report at the moment (I'm oddly calm considering the insanity that will probably hit next week). Here are the guinea pigs.

Holding pattern

2006-06-13T12:45:00.000-06:00

School year is over, which means I'm de facto laid off for the summer. Still haven't heard from any of the places that have my resume, including a couple of school districts. If it weren't for the wedding money coming in, we'd be in big trouble. The most annoying thing at the moment is being completely stir crazy. Maybe I'll go do something exciting like get my oil changed...

I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward to the wedding, but now I'm just looking forward to having something to DO.

Home Stretch!

2006-05-23T18:05:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is one month from W-Day! I'm finally getting to a place where I'm looking forward to the wedding instead of dreading the whole weekend. The shoes, despite my shrinking feet, somehow fit; saving me time, money, and aggravation trying to find new silver slippers (kid you not, the shoes are silver).

Still haven't heard from the seamstress, which could put the stress in her title, but I'm not flipping out yet. Hopefully Doc still has her phone number so I can check on the progress. Worst case scenario, I own a white lace dress that would do in a total pinch. It shouldn't come to that.

Pros found a tuxedo he likes and that doesn't make him look like a waiter. He'll look wonderful, I'm sure. We both have had our rings shipped to us, which is probably more important than the dress. Mine is very unique titanium, his is tungsten carbide. These things are better built than the Space Shuttle.

The prezzies have started arriving. A note from my beloved high school English teacher with a check that I wasn't expecting. HUGE box of dishes from my brother and sister in law. We still owe them their gift, which is a weekend in the Bridal Suite at our favorite B&B.

Still dealing with the details, like making sure Cats is there since she's the officiant and finding time to aquire the wedding license. Worst case scenario, we'll get it the Thursday before the wedding, but I wouldn't mind a quick overnight trip to Somerset. Everything SHOULD get done, I hope!

Annoying...

2006-05-18T19:08:00.000-06:00

Didn't get either job for which I interviewed and the school year is winding down. Well, financially it's screeching to a halt. This is not good...

Freaky feet and other thangs

2006-05-16T16:37:00.000-06:00

It's the oddest thing. My feet seem to have shrunken. My heels have been narrow in a lot of my shoes for a while, but a couple of days ago I realized the size 7 shoes I'd been trained to look for since I stopped growing... well, they were just too big. Tried on the 6 1/2. Perfect fit. What the hell?!? One of the best things about having cats for a college roomate was that we had the same shoe size. Now her feet are bigger after her two pregnancies (got a lot of shoes out of that deal), but why did mine get smaller?

In other news:

Wedding invitations went out on Saturday, which is good news! Forgot to put the time of the ceremony on them, which is bad news. The invitation place is sending out OOPS cards, but I'm expecting a lot of calls.
Subbing has been, shall we say, a challenge. Today was one of the worst, especially with kids dumping glue into the art supplies because I told them to quit fooling around with the magic markers. The custodian is going to need an extra cup of coffee tonight.
There is a horrible shortage of teaching jobs in the Columbus area, mostly due to the shrinking enrollment in the city. Between two districts, over 400 teachers have been laid off and are flooding the already cramped job market. Still haven't heard about my teaching test scores, but I didn't feel good after finishing it. I've decided to go back into finance, if possible, and stay there until things even out in the education field. Waiting on a couple of job interviews at a really nice investment house in the area.
I hate when I'm right sometimes. My friend T (that's actually what I call him, not just a Blog Code Name) just got royally dumped. How did I predict this one? He's 28 years her senior and she's been studying in Paris all quarter. I warned the guy, but he was still caught off-guard. Hopefully he'll stop blaming it all on their astrological signs long enough for me and Duffy to drag him out for a fun night out at our local Goth club. At least he can ogle at the cute young gals in corsets.
Have I mentioned the wedding is only six weeks away? ACK!!!! I need to do too many things and have no idea what they are. Having a nice drink might be a good start...

Play adaptation

2006-04-25T06:56:00.000-06:00

Letting Go

Based on the short story by P.D. Cacek

Scene: Cody and Jenna’s living room, which is now turned into Jenna’s sickroom. Center stage is a hospital bed with an IV stand to its left. A mannequin or something of human shape should occupy the bed, as long as the body is thin but not entirely visible to the audience. A straight-back chair and nightstand are to the right of the bed, a rocking chair to the left. On the nightstand are a vase of silk flowers and a tape recorder, which is softly playing selections from Mozart’s Requiem Mass. Also filling the background are the sounds of hospital machinery, as the figure on the bed is on life support. Two monitors and other items may serve as a representation of the machine. The walls are decorated with photographs; some of Cody and Jenna together, some of Cody in a football uniform, many of Jenna in various glamour shots. The front door to the house is DR, and a curtained window UR of the door is frosted from the winter cold. A small table is beneath the window. A staircase from the theater house to the stage is far left.

Jenna enters the theater as the lights begin to rise and remains standing towards the front in the audience, far stage left almost against the wall of the theater. There should not be any special lighting for her other than the illumination from the footlights while she stands in the house of the theater. She is tall, has long auburn hair, and holds herself with the grace of a professional model. She is wearing a gray pullover and faded jeans stuffed into cowboy boots. In her hands is a kelly green watch cap. She watches the scene with detached interest.

Cody enters through the DR door, dressed for the cold and carrying a stack of mail. He is broadly built and is obviously athletic, but has a slight limp due to a football injury to his right knee. He stomps off and snow that might have accumulated on his shoes and begins to remove his coat when he sees Jenna in the audience. He freezes his movements, and then shakes his head and proceeds with removing his coat and hat. It is identical to the hat Jenna is holding in her hands.

Jenna: Gee, and I thought you hated that hat! You thought if my agent saw me looking like that she’d burn my modeling contracts and head for the hills. Maybe the Bag Lady look suits you better than it did me? [Laughs gently and briefly twirls the hat on one finger.]

Cody: [Closes his eyes, shutting out the voice] Jenna?… [Opens his eyes again and this time addresses the figure in the bed] Jenna, it’s snowing outside today, absolutely gorgeous powder. [Places the mail on the UR table and crosses to stand behind the straight-back chair] I’m pretty sure the boys across the street will be using our backyard this afternoon for some good sledding runs. If they get too loud, let me know and I’ll shoo them away. Don’t want to interrupt your enjoyment of your music. It’s the best recording of this Mozart piece I could find.

Jenna: [Slowly climbs the stairs on stage right] It is a good recording. Excellent soloists, perfect conductor. Lacrymosa was always the piece that moved me the most, even before you took me to see Amadeus on our honeymoon. [Sits on the top step of stage left staircase] Interesting that you’re playing the Requiem Mass for me, considering my… current state.

Cody: [Quietly, to himself] You’re not real.

[A knock at the DR door startles him. He shakes his head vigorously. There is a second knock. He now believes the knock, at least, is real and crosses to answer. At the door is Helen, a slightly overweight middle-aged woman. She is holding a foil covered baking pan and an envelope. She is wearing a hooded down coat, large rubber boots and knit mittens.]

Helen: Ohmygod! Are you alright, Cody? [Shoves the tray into Cody’s hands and takes off her hood as she pushes past him into the room DC.] That was a tough slip you took on the driveway out there! I tried to get out there to give you a hand, but you were inside before I could get my galoshes on. It didn’t look like you hit your head but I was concerned all the same.

Cody: [Smiling slightly and shaking out his right leg carefully] Yeah, I’m fine. Just demonstrating how graceful ex-running backs can be when we put our minds to it.

Helen: [Takes back the tray and waves it under Cody’s nose.] Well, you can still rush, even with that bum knee. I figured since I was already halfway out the door anyway I’d just come over and check on you. Thought you might like some fresh cinnamon rolls. The pan isn’t too hot but the rolls are still good and warm. Oh, and you dropped a letter when you took that spill. I think it’s attached to the foil by some icing, I hope it isn’t too important.

Cody: [Smiling more broadly at the rolls, then grins at Helen and speaks jokingly.] Are you trying to make me fat, Mrs. E? How am I ever going to make a comeback if you keep doing this to me?

Helen: [Giggles flirtatiously and tosses her head. Slaps playfully at Cody with the envelope and shoves it in his hands.] Oh, you silly boy! Didn’t I tell you I like my men chunky? I’m going to put these in the kitchen for you and you can pop them in the oven whenever you’re ready for a little treat. [Crosses to offstage left with the pan.]

Jenna: [Still seated on the step and laughing at the exchange.] She may like her men chunky but you seem to like your ladies comatose. [Cody turns away from Jenna’s voice, pretending to be distracted by the contents of the envelope. Helen returns and taps him on the shoulder. Cody jumps slightly at the unexpected contact.]

Helen: Everything is set up!

Cody: [Gathering himself.] Thanks, thanks Helen.

Helen: [Reacts shyly to Cody calling her by her first name.] You know, I got a crock-pot full of beef stew cooking right this minute. Like to set it up early so I won’t miss my soaps. Anyways, there’ll be more than enough… [She looks over at the bed.] You’ve spent the last four years nursing that poor lamb and you never take care of yourself. How about I send some stew over for dinner? Save you the trouble of having to cook.

Cody: Um… I’d love it. Thanks. You’re a good neighbor.

Helen: I’ll stop in after Oprah with a big helping for you, but now I need to troop back home to see if my favorite couple survives that accident. She’s in a coma in the hospital and … [Looks at the bed and cuts herself off. Crosses to the door and opens it to go.] Oh, you don’t need me to rattle off plotlines. Your goodies are getting cold.

Cody: [Laughing.] Mrs. E, now that the door’s wide open, all of my goodies are a little chilly!

Helen: [Pokes him lightly in the ribs.] You’re just terrible! What am I going to do with you? [Pulls up her hood and exits.]

Cody: [Looking after the door.] Very little, Mrs. E. [Looks down at the envelope in his hands, this time reading the contents.]

Jenna: Letter from the Medical Center? The latest test results, I’m sure. It was one thing when I had breast cancer and beat it. Hell, I think I could have started a new fashion trend of Auschwitz Chic if my agent would have let me work when my hair fell out. Cody, you know this is different. This is inoperable brain cancer. Game, set, and match.

Cody: [To himself.] Lies with fancy names and huge price tags. [Sitting in the stage right chair by the bed and addressing in it.] Hey, baby, did you hear Mrs. E was here to visit? She sent over some fresh cinnamon rolls. They must be a thousand calories each, with enough cholesterol to kill every truck driver from here to the turnpike. How about I bring you one a little later? I could soak a piece in some warm water and feed it to you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? We should get a little more meat on you, babe. I know models are supposed to be skinny, but I think you’re overdoing it just a little.

Jenna: [Rising and walking into the living room slowly as Cody continues to look down at the bed.] I think you’re the one who’s overdone it. Yes, I’m sure a cinnamon roll would be great, a lot better tasting than that liquid diet from the catheter, but that’s the least of our problems. I think you know that, Cody. You fired that last nurse who dared to be honest with you. You made up a planned sabbatical saying you were writing a book about teaching physics through sports so you had an excuse to sit in this room all day. This house has a second mortgage and a home equity loan sunk into all this life support equipment.

Cody: [Continuing to talk to the bed, but is obvious that he is listening to her.] Remember when we first bought this house? You’d never lived in snow country before… poor little Californian. Jesus, you ran out into the first blizzard of the season wearing nothing but pajamas, just like a kid. I was sure you were going to catch pneumonia!

Jenna: I remember. You yelled at me all the way back to the house.

Cody: [Almost in a whisper.] I didn’t mean to.

Jenna: Cody, we have to talk. You need to let go.

Cody: I can’t, babe.

Jenna: [Mockingly.] You always were a coward, weren’t you, Cody? Afraid to face anything that might go against the Great Man’s Ideals, huh?

Cody: [Looking at Jenna for the first time since he walked in the house.] NO!

Jenna: [Crosses to stand left of the hospital bed.] Oh no? Then I guess you just like keeping me trapped in a rotting carcass. Makes an even better trophy than those stuffed dear heads your drunken buddies hang up over their fireplaces. Tell me, how much do you charge them for a look when they visit? [Cody jumps to his feet in anger. Jenna smiles.] Angry with me? Good. Anger’s one of the easier emotions to tackle, and you get to do the tackling rather than getting smacked with the ball in your hands.

Cody: [Weakly.] Sacked. Not smacked.

Jenna: I never learned how to speak proper football. [Twirls the watch cap on her finger again and laughs.] You know, you’re even sexier than usual when you’re angry. I think it’s the flared nostrils.

Cody: I’m losing my mind.

Jenna: [Holds her hat in both hands.] No you’re not, Cody.

Cody: [Closing his eyes.] Oh yeah, I’m gone.

Jenna: Cody, open your eyes and look at me. [Cody does not move.] It shouldn’t be that hard to look at me. After all, you’ve seen me plenty of times before without makeup. It should be a piece of cake after the last couple of months. Or have you gotten to the point where you like your women brainless and drooling?

Cody: Jenna. [Opens his eyes and looks at her. She smiles and waves back at him.] But you can’t be! You’re not dead!

Jenna: Aren’t I? This isn’t me in that bed. It’s nothing anymore.

Cody: You’re wrong, it’s still you!

Jenna: Oh really. Do you really think that’s me smiling up at you, just about to sit up? That’s an involuntary facial tic brought on by atrophy. [Reaches out to the figure and then draws back.] The cancer destroyed my brain. There is nothing left to wake.

Cody: [Stroking the head of the figure in the bed.] But I made you a promise, and I can’t go back on it. [Walks around the bed and sits on the left edge between the figure and Jenna.] I promised I’d do everything in my power to keep you alive. I promised you it wouldn’t end like this.

Jenna: But it’s already ended, Cody, don’t you understand? The only thing you’re keeping alive now is a memory. Please, let me go!

Cody: [Reaching back toward the figure behind him.] I can’t, Jenna. I love you.

Jenna: [Sits in the rocking chair and rocks gently. Speaks quietly.] I know. Love’s a pretty powerful thing… but sometimes it can do more harm than good. You’ve been holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. That shouldn’t have to exist. [Stops rocking and sits on the forward edge of the rocking chair.] Cody, I want to die now.

Cody: [Shakes his head and rises suddenly. He crosses back to the right side of the bed, pacing between it and the life support system.] No, Jenna, I won’t let you die! I can’t—… [He chokes and is unable to continue, standing by the machine.]

Jenna: [Smiling.] Oh, honey, you always did have delusions of grandeur, didn’t you? Is it fun playing God with my life in the balance? It can’t be. The truth is, you aren’t really doing anything but prolonging the agony, yours and mine.

Cody: Jenna…I…

Jenna: [Stands and pulls the watch cap onto her head.] I know, but it has to end sometime and it might as well be now. So how about it, cowboy? [Strikes a pose with her legs apart, pelvis out, head tipped back.] Is the little lady worth it? [Cody turns and reaches out for the machine, his hand shakes and drops, as does his head. He turns back to look at her. Jenna’s pose relaxes.] No, Cody, you’ll just be letting me go.

[Cody takes a sharp intake of breath and turns back to the machine. As he touches it, the hospital noises fade out one at a time. Each time the noise diminishes Jenna steps backwards towards offstage left and the lights lower. Finally, only the music is playing the end of Lacrymosa from Mozart’s Requiem Mass and Jenna is almost off stage left. He turns to the tape player and shuts this off as well as the set goes dark.]

Jenna: Thank you.

End Scene

Funny nightmares

2006-04-03T20:09:00.000-06:00

It's been the oddest thing. I've been having nightmares about the wedding, but not the kind I'd expect to have. The first one was on the actual wedding day, finding out that everyone who hadn't RSVPed decided to show up. EVERYONE, even if they hadn't gotten an invitation or if they didn't even know us. My main memory of the dream was of me sitting on the ground, watching double decker buses (the ones in London) go past me and onto the lawn for the ceremony. My main thought was how we'd make the cake last for everyone.

Last night took that cake. I woke up convinced that everything had gone to hell planning-wise. Why? Because the dream was that Pros and I, before the wedding, had to produce and star in a production of Pirates of Penzance! Why? I have no idea, but my main terror was that Pros is a baritone and could never sing the tenor lead part of Fredrick. To make matters worse, he was practicing a song from the wrong show! It was enough to wake me up moaning in horror, convinced that my dress had been altered to look like Mabel's costume, which was white and orange.

At least I can laugh at these odd trips into my subconscious.

Quickie update

2006-03-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Pros and I are currently in the Outer Banks. It can be seen as me with a group of scientists or him with a group of gals. Either way, we're having a lovely time. The house is unbelievable, although the weather tempers the fun at the moment. Fortunately, Pros mixes a mean pitcher of drinks to make up for it.

Yes, I was so glad to get back to subbing, but I'm just as relieved to be away for a weekend. My second day back, I got to deal with a school fire set by one of the seventh graders. Next week, two room sweeps with a drug sniffing dog. This is junior high?

Oh yeah, and I apparently have to take yet another Praxis test before Ohio will transfer my license to teach. Sheesh!

Back to the Chalk Board!

2006-02-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

As much as I adore Doc as a friend, it was an amazing relief that she has hired a new person to permanently work in the office. Originally I had planned to help out and answer phones while the new gal was learning the ropes, but I practically RAN out of the office the moment the employment offer was accepted. There were just too many personality conflicts with the others in the front office staff, and my pal the nurse was too busy taking blood samples to have my back. Nurse and I are going out and grousing soon, so at least we're still going to hang and pal around. Doc and I are having dinner next week, so that isn't a concern.

The best thing is that I'm teaching again!!!

About Mags

2006-02-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

A large portion of my friends is abuzz about a disaster of a court battle ahead for a Subgenius gal known as Mary Magdalen, or Mags for short. In brief, her ex has found pictures of her and a judge who is willing to accept them as proof that she should lose, at least temporarily, custody of her son. She isn't even allowed to write him a note or receive a birthday card as communication between the two. The pictures? They were of her in a dress that left very little to the imagination and a mask that resembled a bull skull. She was attending a Subgenius event called XDay, specifically the Deity Ball where people were encouraged to dress as their favorite god, goddess or false icon.

A lot of reactions spring to mind. I don't like Mags. We just have never been friendly beyond a general hello, and this summer ended with a big argument with both of us badmouthing each other. However, this does not make her a bad mother. One of the few topics we were ever able to discuss was how well she handles the care and education of her son. He has been homeschooled in such a way that he has been well socialized. She has also taken great care to raise him away from situations such as XDay. From what I have seen, this is not being taken into account.

Mags is also, by far, not the only Subgenius with a child. In hindsight, she probably could have noted her ex's previous attempts to interfere with the custody arrangement and reacted by staying out of the spotlight. My friend, known as Armand Geddyn (yes, we are a group of punsters with our names), took great pains to curb his visibility when he was attempting to gain full custody of his own children, and he was successful. This is not the way Mags operates, but since she doesn't let these aspects of her life overlap, it shouldn't cost her the privilege of raising her son.

Why does this concern me? Because, although I have no children of my own, I work with them on a daily basis. I was also at the Deity Ball in that Marilyn Monroe getup I previously posted. If Mags were to lose custody of her child, it sets a horrible precedent for anyone who lives a counterculture lifestyle. Okay, my life is rarely counterculture these days. Pros and I just can't afford the upkeep! However, are pictures of ridiculous things I did ten years ago going to resurface when I apply for tenure as a full time teacher? What a chilling thought.

Shake me or stir me!

2006-02-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

How to make a JacklynHyde

Ingredients:
1 part competetiveness
1 part brilliance
5 parts energy

Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion

Confessions of a reality tv addict

2006-02-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Jacklyn, and I'm a reality television addict.

It could be worse. I could watch any and all of these show. Oh, who am I kidding?

It started when I was a kid and the poison was the closely related genre of game shows. My grandmother and I would watch Tic-Tac-Dough and The Price is Right while playing Go Fish and War. It's probably fortunate that the addiction formed wasn't to poker after all the card games we played. Once I was a little older, the fascination of Dating Game and Newlywed Game caught my attention (I wondered why they didn't show Divorce Court right afterwards), but this just wasn't satisfying.

Then, The Real World hit the airwaves. I was hooked, wanting to befriend Julie and / or meet up with Andre. Thankfully, my attempt to join Season 3 of the show failed, but I happened to be a Neilson Ratings Family when it aired. You're welcome. Unfortunately, the shows never quite made it to the delicate combination of pathos and sensitivity that season had. Okay, I'm not counting anything Puck did with the sensitive side, but you get the idea. My interest waned.

Then, the Writer's Guild strike. It cost a cousin of mine a shot at writing for her own television show, but considering it was Fish Police, this isn't a big loss. However, this is when I was given such shows as The Bachelor (which made my own dating life look calm) The Mole (the only show since Real World that I wanted to be on, but it was cancelled stupidly) and Who Wants to Marry My Dad (which made me cringe that I was getting to the age of the contestants). Survivor took a little more time to grow on me due to my distaste for CBS in general, but has now pulled me in for the majority of the shows.

What am I addicted to now?

The Bachelor is a must for Monday nights. For some reason, I love that show so much that when I wanted to drop a BIG hint that I wanted to marry Pros, I asked, "Will you accept this final rose?" It worked.
Tuesdays are, at the moment, quiet. We usually watch reruns of Babylon 5 on DVD (something I highly recommend, even a decade after the original airing).
Wednesdays occasionally have me checking out The Biggest Loser, but not so much until the full fledged season returns. However, I am living for Project Runway! Not as much fun as last season, but not all shows are lucky to have JayMcCarroll.
Survivor on Thursdays. Enough said.

Feel free to make fun of my tastes, but also feel free to buy me a copy of The Mole on DVD.

New Arrival

2006-02-06T18:34:00.000-07:00

We now have a new female guinea pig (or PEEG as Pros pronounces it). Washu's old friend Bijou passed away last April after a long, happy life, and Washu has been rather lonesome. Pandora has become a friend, but it isn't quite the same to a guinea pig. Pros is now downstairs helping the new little one settle in. We've just named her Violet because of the deep tint of her eyes. I'll post pics as I have them.

Migod, she's just the cutest little thing!

It got better!

2006-01-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days have vastly improved my mood. Dad calmed down enough to apologize in time for me to open some lovely gifts that somehow safely arrived from Philly. Pros took me to a fabulous new eatery in town called Z Cucina (omigod, I'm still fantasizing about the appetizer). Work for Doc is a little less stressful while the sporatic subbing is downright hilarious, meaning I've stopped caring if the annoying kids hate me for getting them in trouble. This weekend is off in Somerset nailing down more wedding plans and spending time with Pros' dad and stepmom. Hope the hot tub is working!

Bad mood by osmosis

2006-01-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

Everyone in the office was tense today, to the point where one of the gals started sobbing twice. Just called my father to let him know a package he sent me wasn't being delivered because it was incorrectly sent "signature required". He screamed at me that he hadn't made the mistake, then hung up on me. Now I'm the one who's crying.

Great way to spend my last day of my 33rd year, isn't it?

Lilith in Twilight

2006-01-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted any of my creative writing. This poem is based on the Lilith of Midrash (Jewish folklore) and not my dear friend / fellow blogger Lilith von Fraumench. Brief explanation is that she was the first wife of Adam and fled from Eden when Adam tried to make her his sexual inferior. When she fled, her name changed from Lila (night) to Lilith (night demon). It is a story that has long fascinated me. Enjoy!

*******

I was the first.

Evening’s sweet breath raised me

Calling my name

Lila.

Night melted into dewy dawn

And you rose from the earth with me.

The breath sighed

Adam.

Two souls, one garden.

I didn’t ask to be in this garden,

Especially if you claim it all as yours.

You will not lie over me, reign over me.

We are of the same dust that would stain my back.

I am not flesh of your flesh, but life of my own

And when you return to dust

I will continue.

I will leave the garden you claim as yours

Dance with the evening star and lie in the waters.

You will join me in exile soon enough

Toting that pitiful piece you call wife.

I will not harm her, old friend,

Even when the evils of your Fall are blamed on me.

Adam,

You have robbed Woman of life’s sweetness.

She will never know the joy of rising from the dust,

But the fruits of her labor have bound her to a grave.

I will try to comfort her from my waters

Even if she returns my comfort with curse.

I curse the name of God and fly to the sea.

I was the first.

I continue.

But I never asked to be in this garden

And not even God and His angels can make me stay.

Change of fortune

2006-01-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

For the time being, I'm cutting back my substitute work drastically. There's a combination of reasons. My friend The Doc found herself horribly shortstaffed on no notice, and she asked me to come in to help run the front desk. At first I was only willing to come in for a few days a week, but after the day I had subbing, I was happy to delete my schedule for as long as she is willing to keep me on staff. These kids, who have seen me in their classroom for months, suddenly became more insubordinate and downright rude than I've ever seen them. Let someone else put up with them for a while.

I'll also be working a few hours here and there for Pros' mom's little accounting company. She tends to only have part time employees, and I'm always happy to help out soon to be family, especially if she's willing to pay a little to help with the bills. Maybe we'll start to talk more once we have a common subject, like work. It couldn't hurt!

Family portrait

2006-01-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

This picture is from my brother's April wedding. Gram and Mom are seated. In the back is Grampa, Dad, my brother the rocker and his amazing bride, Pros and me on the end. Mom and Dad have each lost well over 30 pounds each since this photo was taken, but you get the general idea of where I came from.

Bad Girl Lesson #1

2006-01-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

From The Bad Girl's Guide to Getting Personal, a book I received from Lynx. One of the best prezzies this season!

Things to Do with Condoms

(Use bright-colored, non-lubricated condoms unless otherwise indicated, or if you're like me and must use non-latex as well)

Pet galoshes
Slip on each foot before showering at the gym or at any frat house
Cut off the tip, snip out two armholes, and make into a mod raincoat for Barbie!
Lunchbox snack bags for carrots, cookies, or fruit
Tie to the stem of your wineglass at parties so no one steals your glass
Anti-theft, disposable cell phone case
Open package, unroll, and drape on seatbacks to reserve your spot in crowded theaters when making a popcorn run
Sassy garter belt / stash bag for formal events
Fill two with Jell-o and pack in your bra for a Cheap-O boob job (If you get lucky, do a quick bait and switch. If you don't, you've got a late-night snack for the ride home.)
Vibrator storage / travel bag
Fill with Kool-Aid or juice and freeze (Makes a cool and refreshing Penis Pop!)
Unroll a lubricated condom over each hand to moisturize hands and cuticles while watching movies at home.

Final image for the year

2005-12-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

Have a great, safe New Year!
Time to get FREAKY tonight!

Non-Binding Non-Resolutions

2005-12-29T09:12:00.000-07:00

Resolutions are a silly thing to manage. Why does the pressure have to be on just in time for my birthday (January 24th, for those in a celebratory mood)? Here's a few things I've already started to do for myself and hope to continue into 2006.

Get to Curves at least two times a week, although three is the goal. Use that Carmen Electra DVD the rest of the time so Pros can also enjoy my exercise regiment. BTW, for those who are against Curves due to their stance against abortion rights, check out the individual center. The one I attend is an independent franchise that does not give to Operation Rescue. The fundraising they do goes towards breast cancer and heart disease research. It's also a great place to gossip.
Make appointments with a new dentist / OB-GYN / dermatologist. Obviously not the same doctor for all issues, but it's time to use the health insurance now that we have it. Time to take better care of my insides now that my outsides are starting to firm up!
Attempt to cook at least one dinner a week. Time to get over my kitchen phobia so Pros doesn't have to do all the cooking. Conversely, I won't have to do all the dishes. At the very least, there's that crock pot cookbook that might turn out some good stuff.
Keep all the stupid wedding crap in perspective. The relationship Pros and I have is more important than whether the flowers are perfect on this one day. People get married all the time (at this place, we had to go for the evening slot because there's two weddings a day there), so it isn't going to make or break society as we know it if it isn't perfect. Getting this through my father's head, on the other hand, isn't as easy...
Start the application process for my Master's program. That includes that stupid refingerprinting that seems to have been lost by the FBI.

Seasoned Greetings!

2005-12-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's officially Soltice, which is the beginning of the holiday season, at least for my pagan friends. Enjoy the Santa Eddie and have a hilarious day!

Severe catching up to do!

2005-12-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

My grandmother is doing surprisingly well in her new surroundings! She's getting much more stimulation with her activities than she was sitting in a chair all day with a Boston Terrier perched on her lap. She's even reading a little again and taking an interest in her old passion for flowers (she used to be an amazing florist, particularly with orchids). She'll never regain her ability to remember who her family is, but I'm happy enough that she's not on the brink of totally fading away for the time being.
Thanksgiving with Pros' father was a warm, lovely event. He lives with his new wife (more than ten years isn't so new, but you get the point) in an amazing place in Virginia. I don't remember the last time I was so relaxed, which says a lot about how much I'm looking forward to being part of this family.
Got to spend some time with Cats this past month! This made my year, since we live so far apart and see each other so rarely. She's been having the worst kind of pain watching her son suffer with development delays that may or may not have been caused by lead poisoning. I don't pray often these days, but for her Silent Prince and her Princess Kitten of a daughter, I do.
Teaching prospects for next year are looking rather thin. From what I have heard, the market is already saturated, and now Columbus City Schools are looking to lay off teachers and close schools. I'm heavily considering talking to a couple of school districts about whether they would sponsor me for an emergency certificate in Special Education if they would hire me full time. My father talked me out of this line of education before, but he doesn't live nearby and doesn't pay our bills. It's time to figure out how I'm going to help with my share of the work.
Wedding countdown!!! We're entering the six month stretch, and I'm getting a little frazzled on the stupid details. Still need to find a band (which Pros says he'll do since he's the former jazz trumpeter), florist, baker, and place to stay for the weekend. Pros' family has also handed over rehearsal dinner decisions to me, which is something I hadn't planned on doing, but we have a tentative reservation anyway. Am I the only bride who hates planning the wedding and just wants to be married already?

Grandmother update

2005-11-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

Briefly put, it's been a rough week. My grandmother is moving into a nursing home on Friday. She'll have specialized care for Alzheimer patients, and it's across the street from where she is currently living, so she'll have a little familiarity. Grampa is taking this hard, but he knows that he just can't take care of her anymore.

As I was initially writing the first paragraph, I've found that Pros is in an even worse boat. His grandmother has just passed away in hospice care. The funeral is most likely this weekend in West Virginia. This puts me in a major bind, as I had planned to be in Philadelphia to support my family while my Gram goes into her new home. Pros says he would understand if I needed to go there, but I know he needs me to be with him. We're trying to find out if, somehow, we can still swing both family visits.

Needless to say, sleep is not coming to me very well...

Memories and Possessions

2005-10-29T11:25:00.000-06:00

Even though I moved here in May, I'm still dealing with a few boxes and things that haven't been touched, mostly because I knew they were mostly full of winter clothes. This morning, I tackled a box in our office, mostly because Pros begged me to clean up in there. Sure enough, there were plenty of skirts and tops for cooler weather, unfortunately mixed in with summer clothing I hadn't been able to find. I shook out the cat hair and dust as I arranged them into piles for hanging, storage and donation to the Salvation Army truck.

In this box were also two petit-pointe (like embroidery) angel wall hangings that had been given to me by my grandmother as well as two sweatshirts she had decorated with my sorority letters when I had first pledged. I had to laugh when I saw the sweatshirts. The letters were far larger than the standard ones worn, and I had initially been very peeved at their appearance. I wore the hot pink sweatshirt with the too-tall letters for our first Bid Day and stood out even more than I would have if I'd kept my bright purple hair, but I don't think I wore them again. Because they have the letters of my sorority, I couldn't throw them in the pile for donation.

Then I thought of how I'd also been upset when I had received the wall hangings. Two angels, in the act of carrying children to Heaven, wouldn't normally be something I would have wanted. They had been in my bedroom when I briefly lived with my grandparents, and I had been told they were made by my grandmother's grandmother. I had asked for them as a wedding gift. Instead, she gave them to me when I graduated from college. At that time, my unmarried state was a source of tension between us. My older cousin had married young and already had two sons, and I was not meant to settle down for another decade. To me, this early gifting was her way of telling me that I'd be a spinster. It took time before I placed these beautiful pieces of art on my wall.

My grandmother is still alive, but she isn't really with us anymore. Right before my 30th birthday, she asked me if my party was also an engagement party. Between our long-standing tension about my marital state and the unwillingness of my then boyfriend to commit, I had exploded and almost uninvited her to the gathering. That was when I found out that she wasn't being cruel, but that she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's Disease. Within another year, she admitted that she knew I was a familiar face, but that she could not fathom that I was the adult daughter of her younger son. This week, my grandfather was faced with the painful prospect of placing her in a facility that can care for her now that he cannot.

Alice was a beautiful, vivacious redheaded woman. She was an expert with flowers, especially orchids, and could name any bloom placed before her. Her sense of humor was one that didn't surface often, but would strike out at the most perfectly timed moment. Her light blue eyes would sparkle over family dinners and bridge matches with her friends. She taught me that to truly love someone, "you must hold them with an open hand", even if you're terrified you might lose them.

Gramma, my hands are open, and I know you are slipping away. You'll never know what a wonderful husband-to-be I have found. With luck, he'll understand why I must hang my angels before today is done.

Anti-Bridezilla (I hope)

2005-10-20T13:27:00.000-06:00

This weekend, I'm meeting my mother in the town where Pros and I are getting married in June. We're sitting down with the owner of the hall and getting tips on where to start looking for the little details (like a cake). This may be a painful experience, but at least Saturday night is at my favorite B&B I've experienced.

I also know my dear college roomate Cats is going to officiate, which makes everyone involved happy, which makes me incredibly relieved. Having a friend who can perform a wedding while still keeping your wild weekend secrets is a wonderful thing.

Once this weekend is over, it's back to my Work in Progress. I've made several changes to make Jess a middle school teacher, which makes sense now that I'm back in the classroom. It also makes the writing flow a little more smoothly now that I can use time with students as a segue into further plot. Let me know if you want a sneak peek!

Tagged again!

2005-10-14T20:35:00.000-06:00

My college roommate cats has tagged me once more!

Here's what i was told to do:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the 5th sentence (or close to it.)
4. Post that, along with these rules, in your blog.
5. Tag 5 people.

However, cats changed the rules to look at your 5th post (her 23rd was a sermon she preached, most likely very well). Therefore, I checked my 5th post as well. The fourth and fifth sentences are impossible to disconnect from one another:

"Someone needs to protect / guide the class nerds and outcasts. Who better than someone who was driven to a nervous breakdown in 10th grade and then bounced back?"

I had jokingly listed that among my reasons for wanting to be a teacher, but it truly continues to be one of the most serious goals I have in the front of the classroom. Last week, I saw three girls who were straight out of "Mean Girls", right down to the coordinated outfits, torturing each other and the less popular girls in the class. They were in shock when I leaned on them and demanded they sit in different parts of the room until the end of class, so they could do less damage. So what if they were the cheerleaders? Bullying is bullying, and that's what they were doing.

Let's face it, folks, if more teachers and parents put down their collective feet, more students could concentrate on being actual students. The only reason that verbal abuse is so rampant among teens is because those in authority let it continue. This same high school had two physical altercations earlier that week, and everyone from the teacher's aides to three police officers were in there within seconds.

Not that I'm the police, of course. I'm just a former nerd girl who is now in a position to see the signs of "female relational aggression", as sociologists call it (I might post my Linguistics paper on the subject later). Even better, I can act upon what I see and hear in a way that may help these kids avoid permanent damage.

Who better than someone who was driven to a nervous breakdown in 10th grade and then bounced back?

Work in Progress Part V

2005-10-13T04:23:00.000-06:00

The shrill digital chirp of my phone returned me to the present with a rattle. It was too late for any further telemarketers, so I grabbed the receiver on the first ring and mumbled something in the way of a greeting.

“Hello Jessica, I’m assuming you got the invitation?”

I grinned. “Hi, Mom. Yes, it’s here.” Once I had gotten a normal hairstyle and attempted to wear an occasional color other than black, she and I became much more relaxed around one another. “I’m looking at it now. Very… purple, isn’t it?”

There was the flutter of paper on the other side of the phone. “At least it isn’t the awful shade of blue as the last time around. It looks like the reception is in a better location, too. They lucked out by getting Valentine’s Day on a weekend.” She paused for a moment. “Yes, Jessica, you are going. No, Jessica, you cannot bring the cat.”

The grin went to groan. Get out of my head, Mom. “Thanks. I was aware of that moral imperative, but you don’t have to remind me. Thinking about bringing a date makes my brain hurt. Face it, I should show up solo. And do NOT say anything about meeting someone there, I met Kevin’s friends last Labor Day and was completely underwhelmed.”

She chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of saying that, Sweetcheeks.” I rolled my eyes at the childhood nickname. “You know your tastes in men, bad as they may be sometimes. You know I’m kidding about that last part, Jess.”

“Uh-huh.” I did know, but I also knew she tended to be right.

Work in Progress Part IV

2005-10-06T20:12:00.000-06:00

It had been fairly evident for some time that my eldest cousin was getting remarried. Her left shoulder had been rendered slightly lower than the other due to her hand being weighed down by the diamond boulder attached to it with very strong platinum. Fortunately, she had her hand in the grasp of so many of our admiring relatives that permanent damage may have been averted. This was the husband of which they approved.

Not that they didn’t shell out plenty for the first wedding, but it is now set aside as “that incident years ago” or something like that. It wasn’t exactly a wedding for the ages, but the hairdos were definitely from the 80s era. The march down the aisle had been rather hilarious in itself. It was a parade of mullets, hairspray and bright screaming royal blue cummerbunds goose-stepping to the altar, with George leading up the rear. Even my father commented that it resembled a funeral procession with his bachelorhood as the corpse. Screaming royal blue gowns followed, topped by faces that were nothing particularly special, so their uniforms did their job in shielding the identities of the bridesmaids.

Rachel had gained about 25 pounds between her initial dress fitting and the ceremony. Her intended made sure to let several people know it, although nobody had to tell the pastor as he kept looking down into the dangerously overfilled bodice of Rachel’s gown. Her cleavage later served as a final resting place for the piece of strawberry cake smashed into her face, creating a contrast to the lines of mascara quickly pooling from down her cheeks and neck.

I had been glad that I had gone with my initial instinct and worn black despite my mother’s protests that it was inappropriate for an afternoon wedding. It had gone with my mood and my purple hair, although I had been talked into wearing the latter down instead of the Mohawk I had so desperately wanted to sport. My parents had distanced themselves slightly, reminding everyone I was in college and going through a period of self-exploration. Everything would be fine as long as I kept bringing home nice and temporary boys but not girls, temporary or otherwise.

Ah, but THIS fiancé was different. Kevin was definitely the one, in the opinion of the family. He was the right religion so we wouldn’t be stuck squirming through an interfaith church service. Right background so he could afford to keep Rachel in the way she deserved to be kept. Much less likely to make passes at other members of his future wife’s family was the unspoken thought. Only Rachel’s sister Melissa was less surprised than I was when George was caught with his pants around his ankles and his dental assistant on his desk. That was because Melissa was his office manager, and she had avoided his advances by threatening him with a drawer filled with dangerous looking hooks and picks.

My personal hurricane relief

2005-10-04T21:48:00.000-06:00

I've been worried about an old friend of mine. He and his wife are both rabbis, and they moved to New Orleans to head the Conservative synogogue there. After Katrina hit, I didn't hear from him, which is unusual. When they narrowly missed being at Hebrew Union College when it was targeted for violence, he made sure to send out a mass email. Not this time.

However, I just heard on NPR that he is well and in Houston with the majority of his congregation. I also found this open letter online:

A huge thank you to all of you who have called, and emailed in support and with offers of help for my family and my community. It's great to know how much everyone cares about hesed. My synagogue has opened up a "Shir Chadash Katrina Fund" For those interested in contributing, I will pass on the address to mail checks to when I have it. I apologize if I cannot thank all of you for your support individually, but know that my kehillah and I truly appreciate it.

Luckily, it seems that the roof of Shir Chadash is intact and there were only a few inches of water taken in. No doubt there will be many expenses, but thank God our building is quite reparable. Many of my congregants have lost their homes. Our home sustained maybe a foot of water and undoubtedly a lot is damaged, but we are still luckier than many.

Thanks and Shabbat Shalom

Shir Chadash Katrina Fund
c/o Bank One
2800 Post Oak Blvd.
Houston, TX 77056

Work in Progress Part III

2005-10-03T17:47:00.000-06:00

Miss Jessica Bronstein and Guest.

“Which do you think one is worse,” I asked Dinah, “the ‘Miss’ part or that I don’t have a designated guest with a name?” Dinah half opened her eyes and then went back to sleep. I turned over the envelope to look at the embossed return address. “Oh, no. Please let this turn into a bar mitzvah invitation...”

Somewhere in the childish make-believe part of my mind, I clung to the hope that if I stared at the letter long enough it would magically transform into that bar mitzvah invitation after all. Those could be entertaining events if you kept score for things like how often the kid’s voice cracks, the price spent on that perfect Mother of the Bar Mitzvah boy dress, and how many underage guests got caught sneaking alcohol from the open bar. However, even the most overbearing mother would have been in big trouble with her son if she sent invitations in purple envelopes with lace trim.

I opened the envelope. The contents remained what I knew they would be all along.

How beautiful is the day that is touched by love.
Mr. and Mrs. William Schwartz request the honor of your presence
At the marriage of their daughter Rachel Deborah to Kevin …

“Rats!” I groaned loudly enough that Dinah’s ears perked up and she raced over to the chair where I was slumped. She may have been trying to distract me, offer consolation, or just get attention while I was seated was up in the air, but she managed all three as her face shoved under the card and she stared up at me with big green eyes. What a shame about Rachel’s allergy to Dinah, or I could bring her as my guest and be left alone as The Crazy Cat Lady.

School daze

2005-10-01T10:48:00.000-06:00

Teaching season has finally begun for me! I'm currently substituting in three school districts, which is a fantastic way to get to see the range of schools around here. Each district has their own distinct characteristics.

One of them is extremely focused on optimum academic achievement. They rotate class periods in the middle school so that students don't get one subject at their worst time of the day all the time. It's an interesting concept.

Another district is so strapped for space that students attend in three shifts. The taxpayers refuse to vote for a bond issue that would pay for new buildings, so these poor kids may get stuck in school until 6:30 at night. The worst part is that the late session of students is treated like they are less worthy than the others, so they act accordingly. It's a shame.

Still getting a feel for the third district, but I'll be there more this upcoming week. So far they're the most like where I was a student teacher, and I was very comfortable. I'll be working with 9th grade English students on Monday, which will be a treat!

It's wonderful to be back in a classroom, but disorienting to be in so many!

Work in Progress Part II

2005-09-24T07:15:00.000-06:00

I turned the radio to the local news and remembered to breathe. The rest of the trip home was uneventful reports of murder, war, and the occasional warning of ice on the roads that was causing tractor-trailers to flip over. At least those problems were on the radio and not in my own head. I refocused my Reality Binoculars. I was comfortable avoiding the chance to strut down an aisle like a white satin Mummer on New Years Day. Actually, considering how gaudy some of those wedding gowns can get, the parallel between the two wasn’t a bad one.

*****

My driveway, for once, was clear of any cars parked illegally for the bar across the street. I let myself relax as I pulled into my beloved designated spot behind my building. The wooden steps to the second floor had iced over again but it was too late at night to hack a safe path with the heel of my boot, not without chancing waking my neighbor or her German Shepherd. I held my breath and both handrails as I slowly made my way up to my back door and fumbled with the key in my gloved hand.

Finally inside, I received the usual rebuke and glare from my roommate for being out too late. Fortunately for me Dinah is a roommate with four feet, whiskers and an attitude easily appeased with catnip or skim milk. I didn’t take the abuse personally. She performed a perfect figure eight around my feet without seriously tripping me, a feat that took many years and many dropped microwave dinners to manage.

Two messages on my answering machine blinked at me. One was someone trying to sell me a time-share in Disneyworld. It was a tempting offer considering the cold snap over the Northeast, but I erased the message for my own good. The next voice was my high school pal out in Michigan, bored out of his skull and calling everyone programmed into his cell phone. I knew this because my name came after Jen and before Lenny in Rick’s phone list, and if he had been drinking he tended to lose track and call me by one or the other name.

“BEEP…Jess? Hello, Jess? Damn, I was hoping you were just screening your calls again. Are you there and screening your calls? Jess? Damn.” Click, BEEP.

Lenny? Hello, Lenny? Damn again! I could almost hear Rick’s next call as I wandered down the front steps to check for my mail. Dinah knew better than to do more than to stick part of her head out the front door to make sure I was coming back. One whisker-to-whisker meeting with Countess in the downstairs apartment was enough to keep her out of the dark stairwell.

I sorted through the envelopes, tossing the coupons and fliers onto the coffee table. On top was a telephone bill, a rather large one going by weight. Set that one aside with a wince. Electric bill, not so bad thanks to my love of thick wooly socks and an afghan knitted by my cousin Melissa during a very confining pregnancy. The four credit card applications were placed in another pile for a fateful meeting with my document shredder. A frilly and bright lavender designer envelope with my name written in perfect calligraphy…

Well, we ALL knew this...

2005-09-23T07:45:00.000-06:00

You Are a Chick Rocker!

You're living proof that chicks can rock
You're inspired by Joan Jett and the Donnas
And when you rock, you rock hard
(Plus, you get all the cute guy groupies you want!)

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Work in Progress Part I

2005-09-23T06:35:00.000-06:00

It was icy driving conditions on the drive home. I made a mental note to myself to never again listen to New Age music in the car. It made me introspective, then usually depressed. Much safer to listen to some rock station or the news, anything with words that were not my own. I replayed the conversation one more time so I could fully enjoy the feeling in the pit of my stomach. A glass of mediocre Merlot, definitely not worth the $7.50 with tip, had loosened my tongue a bit. Another mental note, either stay away from the bar or learn to be a quiet drinker when you’re with coworkers.

I had been watching my former boyfriend walk away after an awkward conversation when I turned to Linda. “You know we broke up in December.”

“No, you’re KIDDING!” She had put on a surprised and comforting face almost in time to hide the excitement from getting fresh gossip. “You two were together for so long!”

“It was two years plus a few months. It was… amicable. Things were just never going to happen between us.” I had taken another sip and muttered into my wine glass, “Besides, I probably would have been a terrible wife for him.”

I wished I could have seen Linda’s particular expression, but the edge of the glass had obscured the view. “Well, I think he would have been a perfect husband for you! What a shame.”

Thanks. The words kept zinging between my ears as I continued my drive. At the time of that conversation, I had actually nodded and agreed wholeheartedly at the time I had heard Linda’s words. Even if they weren’t true, they were close enough to nip at me. There had more than a few times I had heard something along those lines, even from people I liked much more than Linda.

Maybe Linda’s more right than she realized. Maybe I would be a horrid wife to anyone. Maybe there’s an obvious reason I’m still unmarried at this point of my life. Maybe...

New friends make things better

2005-09-14T08:38:00.000-06:00

Yesterday evening was one of those times that almost made me regret moving. Just handling something as simple as covering the opening where my window was smashed was made difficult because I had no idea where the duct tape was in this house (after several attempts, I was able to call Pros for the location). Then, when I was able to relax for a second, I found our cable had been shut off because our bill has consistently been forwarded to Pros' old apartment.

Thankfully, I had previously made arrangements to meet a new aquaintence at a neighborhood bar within walking distance. "Wendy" is a bartender at another local watering hole, but this is where she goes to drink, so I decided to give it a shot. What a great place! Two pinball games, cheap as all hell drinks, and incredibly friendly regulars. Wendy and I sat out back and yapped until I was much calmer about living in Columbus, then kept drinking until she could barely keep her eyes open. A good time was had by all, and now I have a haven where I can have a vodka tonic while beating the crap out of a pinball.

Oh, the cable is back on and my car window is being repaired this afternoon. Things are looking a bit better.

Violated

2005-09-13T17:49:00.000-06:00

Some schmuck broke into my car this afternoon. Nothing was taken as far as I can tell, not even my stereo, but the right passenger window was smashed in. Okay, my supply of quarters was taken, but not the nickles. What the heck? Most likely the thief or thieves either were scared off by heavy traffic or just couldn't find anything because my car was such a mess.This happened while Pros is still on his geology field trip and I'm trying to get ready to start substitute teaching.

Still can't believe nothing was stolen but I'm going to be out a couple hundred dollars replacing the window. It's going to force me to start taking the bus to and from work (something Pros wanted me to do anyway), but now I'll feel unsafe doing that as well.

As someone said to me a couple of months ago, welcome to the big city! Ugh...

Plea to alma mater

2005-09-11T16:40:00.000-06:00

This is from a letter sent to the PR Veep of my undergrad college regarding his response to the ongoing fight to save the radio station from a takeover by the local PBS affiliate:

Mike Bruckner, a Muhlenberg spokesman, said that while the college is always interested in exploring any new opportunities it can offer its students, he is not sure how a merger between WLVT and WMUH-FM 91.7 would occur.
''As far as I know, ours isn't for sale,'' Bruckner said. ''We're always interested in partnerships, but we're all for focusing the station on students.''

Mr. Bruckner,

I wanted to write privately to thank you for taking this public stance, even if your word is not the bound oath of the college. As one of the "rabblerousers", I can be honest that we are anxious to hear any news other than the usual neutral stance. The conversation on My Muhlenberg is one of alumni who are very passionate about making sure this part of our shared history has another generation.

Since I've graduated, things have definitely changed. Several of my favorite professors have left, while others were granted the tenure they worked so hard to earn. My home from my junior year was leveled to make way for the C.A. expansion and my sorority (I am a founding sister of Phi Mu) struggles to stay alive. WMUH and Phi Mu are the two places left where I can still find my fingerprints, and it is vital to me personally that both are there for my future students to enjoy.

Another thing that has happened was the sudden death of my friend and mentor Mark Klee, known on the air as Mr. Mark. As you joined the campus before his 2001 passing, you may have had the pleasure of listening to his off the wall commentary on the Lehigh Valley and beyond. If not, Joe Swanson would probably be happy to loan you a copy of the finest DJ Allentown ever had. There is a room in the studios that has quietly been dedicated to his memory, and it is a place that I love to visit when I visit campus. To lose the free-form concept of the station in favor of full NPR programming would be to lose what made Mark's gift possible, not to mention to lose the chance that another equally talented but totally different DJ will appear on Muhlenberg's airwaves.

I am writing to you from my heart and asking that you act as an advocate for the voices you have been hearing, if at all possible. We do not write and call because we enjoy pestering our alma mater. We are weighing in at the court of public opinion because we are desperate to keep WMUH as it is. Again, I thank you for taking your public stance. Please let me know if there is any information or background I can give you as you and President Helm (whom I had the pleasure of meeting at my class reunion last year) continue the process of researching your options.

Aging

2005-09-09T13:06:00.000-06:00

Last night I came home from dinner with some of Pros' gal pals from the University. They were a ball! One of them was amazing with wine tasting even though she claimed she didn't like a lot of what she tasted. Her palate was one I envied. We talked about food and dating and all the things most discuss on a girls' night out. Only once did I mention the fact that I had at about a decade of years on them. There is a definite difference between 20somethings and 30somethings, but it isn't something that usually would come up over a silly night of pasta and porto.

When I was getting ready for bed that night, I thought of something funny said that evening and grinned in the mirror. The image staring back at me had crow's feet I had never seen on my own face, and the smile quickly vanished. The lines didn't seem to stop at my eyes but ran down the length of my face, rows of tiny wrinkles that hadn't been there only weeks before. For someone who loves passing for seven years younger than my age, this alarmed me. Yes, it's a horrid kind of vanity, but it's also a tremble of mortality that left me marked.

One thing is for sure. I will continue to smile. I'm a happy person, damnit!

Solitude Sitting Around

2005-09-07T15:01:00.000-06:00

Pros is out of town for over a week, and I've suddenly realized how isolated I am in this new place. Tried calling the two people I know who don't have kids or whatnot. One is working and the other never answers the phone anyway. It's unnerving to feel this alone in such a big place. It was nice for about a day, but now I'm starting to wonder when and if I'm going to find a group of friends who would just say, "Yeah, we're just making pasta, but feel free to come over."

This was one of the risks I took when I moved out here. What I didn't count on was that Pros isn't the most social man I've been with, so I've turned down a lot of invites out in the past because he wanted to watch a DVD instead. So now I'm able to get out on my own but have nowhere to go. Well, I could always go to the coffee shop and write / people watch, but that isn't quite the same.

Maybe I'll just go make some pasta for myself and catch a showing of "Broken Flowers" over at the local artsy theater. Maybe I'll stay in and catch the results from "Rockstar, INXS". Maybe I'll go exercise at the place I quit after two days of work. Maybe I'll play yet another round of "Civilization III".

Who knows? I'm DEFINITELY going out tomorrow night!

Bypass FEMA!

2005-09-06T18:28:00.000-06:00

Here's an address in Baton Rouge for direct donations of goods:

The Downtown Churches Distribution Center for Refugee Needs
St. James Episcopal Manship Ministries Center
P.O. Box 3011, Baton Rouge, LA 70821

They need clothing (baby clothes, children's clothes, adult clothing: comfortable ones like shorts and T-shirts), bed linens, blankets, towels, toiletries, etc. Mark what you're sending on the box so it can be sorted more easily. Personally, I'm planning on getting a bunch of new underwear and sending that. I have a feeling the Salvation Army doesn't have a lot of undergarments.

Dear Mur,

2005-09-03T09:12:00.000-06:00

You popped up in one of my dreams again, so I'm assuming there was something you wanted to tell me. It's so rare I remember my dreams, but the ones with you are fairly vivid, with you wanting to take me away for a talk. The problem is that I can never fully recollect the conversations once I'm awake and remember again that you died in 1997.

Did you want to make sure I haven't forgotten you? That's impossible, my dear one. Too much of the my life was wrapped up in yours, and to be honest, sometimes it's been difficult to move forward. However, I think you're happy that I have with someone as wonderful as Pros. You really would have loved him. He's as astute with wines as your father was without having that addiction. He loves me without having to battle a love of substances as you did. He's the only other person besides you that I'd consider as a husband, and since you're gone, it's a good thing he wants me as his wife!

Missing you is an odd thing after all these years. Just reread "The Lovely Bones" and I wonder how much you really do keep an eye on us from your life. Hopefully not too often now that there's so much else in the universe to explore. It's also a sad world to view from the outside, I'm sure. Your family is trying to move forward, but they have different ways of doing so. Hopefully they will manage to coordinate someday. I haven't seen or heard from your brother in years, and I miss that contact because he was becoming an amazing adult. He knew you even better than I did, and your death almost killed him, but he seems determined to live. He'll be okay in the long run once his body heals from his addictions.

You are not forgotten, and are lovingly captured in memories and dreams.

--Love, Moi
(little in joke there, if you remember)

If you read this and can help...

2005-09-02T18:17:00.000-06:00

Even if you can only organize or make phone calls, check out http://informationisgolden.blogspot.com/ for how you can pinpoint need for cities within 100 miles of New Orleans. People are still there and are in dire straits. My friend ICEKNIFE is trying to unite bloggers in aiding Louisiana residents. Do what you can!

Changes, changes, changes

2005-08-25T14:57:00.000-06:00

My, I let things go for a week or so and so many things happen! This is why I've always had trouble keeping a diary. Let's see how I can manage to catch things up...

Visit from my parents was wonderful! I had been worried that they might be critical of how I still have some boxes around and none of our artwork is on the walls, but they were just impressed that the house was neat and clean (we have to keep it that way due to Pros' horrible allergies to Pandora the Wonder Kitty). We took them to a few of the best restaurants in town and gave a driving tour of the local college campus. Unfortunately, my mother's health kept us from doing too much walking, but she seemed to enjoy everything she could see. Saturday night dinner with our friends was the best night. Dad was almost in performance mode, he was so charming! Considering we had a six year old and two bottles of wine at the table, there were no disasters. They also realized that we need no housewarming gifts because we're drowning in possessions, so we got $200 to help make ends meet.
Speaking of cash, I've just taken a second part-time job, once again at a place that will benefit me in ways other than just financially. I'll be at Curves, which is a workout center for women only (the guys just wouldn't enjoy the stuff, so it isn't exactly discriminatory). At first, I was a little worried about working at a place that is known for having a Xtian agenda, but the owner is much more about health issues than picketing Planned Parenthood. With luck, this will allow me to leave the wine shop when it starts to get dangerous to walk to my car at night at the end of the night.
There's a mess going on at my college radio station. I'm going to get much more into detail about it on my group blog (Dandelionfiles), but the jist of it is that a local PBS station is trying to take over this frequency and shove the students off the air in favor of an NPR format. To make it worse, there's already an NPR station in town (started by WMUH alum) that would be shafted if this went through. I'm currently helping with the rabblerousing to keep the college from killing one of the best hands-on communications programs they have.

Whew! This is what I get for waiting so long to update!

One of those quiz thingys

2005-08-18T17:51:00.000-06:00

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Somewhere in the mountains. I'm not picky about which mountain, but I want an A-frame house in the mountains.
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? My blue and black scarf / sarong. Why can't I wear it more often in public?
3. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE MALE SINGER? Rufus Wainwright. The man has pipes and a songwriting ability to match.
4. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE SINGER? Kate Bush. Anyone else in the universe trails in second.
4. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE BAND? I would say Vent Silence (my brother's band at http://www.ventsilence.com/ ), but they will most likely split by next spring. Damn shame!
4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? 7:30 or so, although that will change once I start subbing!
5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? The rice cooker, although I'm trying to avoid it for a few months.
6. FAVORITE KIND OF MUSIC? Female vocalists from most genres. Goes back to my radio show days.
7. FAVORITE COLOR: Blue, although I tend to wear a lot of black.
8. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? It's a tie between D'Aulaire's Mythology and The Phantom Tollbooth. It depends on if I want to look at gorgeous pictures while I read or if I want to just have my brain expanded.
9. FAVORITE SEASON: Autumn, as long as I can have Sudafed.
10. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Time Control.
11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Thursday. I'm all about the anticipation of the weekend, since the weekend itself rarely lives up to it.
12. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, CHINESE OR MEXICAN FOOD? Mexican, due to my passion for sour cream.
13. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND
FIRST? Hmmm, maybe Laurali, if her email is working.
14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL? Ostrich with wilted spinach from Marco Polo. Damn, I miss that place!
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Carnations, although I prefer seeing flowers when they are unpicked.
16. FAVORITE THING TO DO WITH SPARE TIME? Watch bad television with that special someone... although I can't seem to get the cat to understand the concept behind Most Extreme Challenge. KIDDING!

Official engaggment photo

2005-08-15T20:58:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, two photos in a row with very little to say. We'll get to all the news soon enough. Besides, my parents are coming out here in a few days, so there will be PLENTY of material!

Clever cartoon answers modern mess

2005-08-09T14:04:00.000-06:00

I've always loved Dangermouse and Penfold. This just says volumes in a much funnier way than I can manage.

Since last I blogged...

2005-08-04T15:18:00.000-06:00

Well, on this blog, anyway. I'm also on Dandelionfiles, but that's more of a group piece than the solo kvetching I do here.

At any rate, a couple of things have happened about the money situation. First, my dad realized he cost me a nice chunk of my deposit from my last apartment when he broke the handle off the back door. He also launched my monitor across the back porch, which would have been comical if I could now turn the damn thing on and off. The point is that he just sent me a check to cover the cost of the door as well as covering my flat tire, which I didn't have a way of covering other than my overused credit card. Second, my doctor / gal pal just faxed my resume to one of her other doctor pals. This should hopefully get me out of the wine shop soon.

Wine shop, actually, is losing jobslack rapidly. I'm tired of arguements with the owner of work schedules, and I'm REALLY tired of the lack of income. I'll delay subbing for a few months if I can have a job that pays enough we don't have to worry so much about the bills. Anything to keep Pros and I happy!

Dog days of flat broke summer

2005-08-01T20:07:00.000-06:00

It's getting terribly tight here financially. When I originally agreed to move here, it was with the understanding that I'd have a summer job waiting for me that I could keep part time. It fell through about a month before my arrival, far too late for me to put my moving plans on hold. I'd forgotten how frightening it is to be underemployed! I'm only working about 20 hours a week for $10 an hour. Granted, the cost of living here is low, but I'm in the uncomfortable position of deciding what bills I can afford to pay. Pros is working a summer internship, but he's been sick on and off and is now only working four days a week so he can concentrate on the beginning research for his thesis.

My greatest source of relief is remembering that my substitute teaching orientation is a week from tomorrow. I don't know how long I can handle such a small amount of take-home pay, especially when Pros will have a major gap between his final pay from his internship and his first stipend check from the University. May have to figure out a way to put next month's rent on a credit card or something.

Ah well, these are the times that make or break couples starting out a new life together. Marriage isn't always going to be smooth, so this cohabitational tightness is good practice.

I'm going to stop typing for a while and go downstairs to spend some time with the person who makes this all worthwhile.

Alternate answers

2005-07-31T20:59:00.000-06:00

Why DO I want to be a teacher, anyway?

It beats the hell out of Barnes & Noble, the final resting place for underemployed English majors.
The health benefits are usually amazing compared to most jobs I've had. Most places don't cover anti-allergy drugs because we can get Claritin over the counter. FUCK Claritin! It's barely more effective than a placebo, and most work places (including classrooms) are a pit of mold that kills my allergies.
Someone needs to protect / guide the class nerds and outcasts. Who better than someone who was driven to a nervous breakdown in 10th grade and then bounced back?
June, July, August. Ah, three months of dreading the first day back in the classroom.
Finally, a reason to show off my memorization of the opening of Canterbury Tales in Middle English other than to mess with the heads of drunks at parties.
Finally, a reason to declare my collection of Simpsons DVDs as a tax writeoff. Show The Raven or Streetcar Named Desire just once, collect my return later.
I'm genetically programmed to suck at everything else.

Photos, photos everywhere...

2005-07-28T15:22:00.000-06:00

Will the real Jacklyn Hyde PLEASE explain the other photos?

Small, Medium or Large?

2005-07-28T10:20:00.000-06:00

Columbus is a medium sized city. This is something I have to keep in mind while dealing with other people and with situations. Twice this week I've talked to someone, in both cases fellow transplants to the area, who referred to this place as "the Big City" with such reverence that I thought we had landed in Oz.

"Folks, I came here from Philly... yes, the place with the steaks. Yes, I do know how to order correctly from Pat's, but my point is that this really isn't THAT big of a metropolis. If I was able to find a parking spot within two blocks of where I had to go, this isn't a big city."

On the other hand, I did just move here from a very small town outside of Philadelphia. Jenkintown has a gazebo in Town Square where they have ice cream socials and free concerts. There were a few arrests in the area, but most of them were for drunken driving or unruly behavior. Yes, the Big City entered on occasion, like the time an escaped prisoner was pinned down at gunpoint under my window, but for the main part the only noise was the Irish folk dancing classes across the street. MAN, those people can stomp!

That was the town I missed this weekend when I found out my left rear tire had been punctured with either an ice pick or a screwdriver. Jenkintown doesn't have good and bad neighborhoods because it's too small. Columbus has bad neighborhoods, and I laughed at the idea that they could be worse than North Philly. They aren't, but the kids here are just as bored as they are there.

Welcome to life in the City, I suppose!

REAP Question #1

2005-07-26T12:38:00.000-06:00

What are your three (3) most important reasons for wanting to be a teacher?

1) When I was fifteen years old, an adult with whom I was close charged me to "save the world one person at a time." This thought has been with me for years. To date, working with students at the age I was at that time is the best way I can fathom fulfilling this charge.

2) My parents have provided the perfect examples of why education is the most fulfilling career imaginable. Both of them teach at my former high school, and they seem happiest when in the classroom. They have supported me in every way in my work to join their ranks.

3) After more than ten years out of college and in the private sector, there was no perfect match. After three months of student teaching, I now know there is no place that I will find a greater match for my skills. There is no other place where I am more at home than looking into the faces of my students.

Happy Monthiversary!

2005-07-24T16:09:00.000-06:00

Here we go...

Today is two months since I packed up my apartment in suburban Philadelphia and began the move out to Columbus, Ohio. I'd been working on this move for what seems like years, since Pros and I first decided that our relationship needed to be more than a long-distance occasional fling. I wish I could say it's always been easy. I'm finding myself in the terrifying position of being almost totally reliant on one person for everything from shelter to daily contact. Pros is the person I'm supposed to be with, and I'm so glad I'm here, but BOY, is this transition a bitch!

Luckily, Lynx (one of my pre-existing Ohio friends) has been good enough to bring me into the Blogger Circle. It makes me feel a lot better that I have someone to talk to, even if it's a group of anonymous readers. Please be patient with me if you stumble into my words. I'll try to make the story more distinct as I put it into better perspective while moving forward in my new life here in Ohio.

Hope the journey is fun for all!