Alternate answers

Why DO I want to be a teacher, anyway?

• It beats the hell out of Barnes & Noble, the final resting place for underemployed English majors.
• The health benefits are usually amazing compared to most jobs I've had. Most places don't cover anti-allergy drugs because we can get Claritin over the counter. FUCK Claritin! It's barely more effective than a placebo, and most work places (including classrooms) are a pit of mold that kills my allergies.
• Someone needs to protect / guide the class nerds and outcasts. Who better than someone who was driven to a nervous breakdown in 10th grade and then bounced back?
• June, July, August. Ah, three months of dreading the first day back in the classroom.
• Finally, a reason to show off my memorization of the opening of Canterbury Tales in Middle English other than to mess with the heads of drunks at parties.
• Finally, a reason to declare my collection of Simpsons DVDs as a tax writeoff. Show The Raven or Streetcar Named Desire just once, collect my return later.
• I'm genetically programmed to suck at everything else.