It got better!

The last couple of days have vastly improved my mood. Dad calmed down enough to apologize in time for me to open some lovely gifts that somehow safely arrived from Philly. Pros took me to a fabulous new eatery in town called Z Cucina (omigod, I'm still fantasizing about the appetizer). Work for Doc is a little less stressful while the sporatic subbing is downright hilarious, meaning I've stopped caring if the annoying kids hate me for getting them in trouble. This weekend is off in Somerset nailing down more wedding plans and spending time with Pros' dad and stepmom. Hope the hot tub is working!

Bad mood by osmosis

Everyone in the office was tense today, to the point where one of the gals started sobbing twice. Just called my father to let him know a package he sent me wasn't being delivered because it was incorrectly sent "signature required". He screamed at me that he hadn't made the mistake, then hung up on me. Now I'm the one who's crying.

Great way to spend my last day of my 33rd year, isn't it?

Lilith in Twilight

It's been a while since I've posted any of my creative writing. This poem is based on the Lilith of Midrash (Jewish folklore) and not my dear friend / fellow blogger Lilith von Fraumench. Brief explanation is that she was the first wife of Adam and fled from Eden when Adam tried to make her his sexual inferior. When she fled, her name changed from Lila (night) to Lilith (night demon). It is a story that has long fascinated me. Enjoy!

*******

I was the first.

Evening’s sweet breath raised me

Calling my name

Lila.

Night melted into dewy dawn

And you rose from the earth with me.

The breath sighed

Adam.

Two souls, one garden.

I didn’t ask to be in this garden,

Especially if you claim it all as yours.

You will not lie over me, reign over me.

We are of the same dust that would stain my back.

I am not flesh of your flesh, but life of my own

And when you return to dust

I will continue.

I will leave the garden you claim as yours

Dance with the evening star and lie in the waters.

You will join me in exile soon enough

Toting that pitiful piece you call wife.

I will not harm her, old friend,

Even when the evils of your Fall are blamed on me.

Adam,

You have robbed Woman of life’s sweetness.

She will never know the joy of rising from the dust,

But the fruits of her labor have bound her to a grave.

I will try to comfort her from my waters

Even if she returns my comfort with curse.

I curse the name of God and fly to the sea.

I was the first.

I continue.

But I never asked to be in this garden

And not even God and His angels can make me stay.

Change of fortune

For the time being, I'm cutting back my substitute work drastically. There's a combination of reasons. My friend The Doc found herself horribly shortstaffed on no notice, and she asked me to come in to help run the front desk. At first I was only willing to come in for a few days a week, but after the day I had subbing, I was happy to delete my schedule for as long as she is willing to keep me on staff. These kids, who have seen me in their classroom for months, suddenly became more insubordinate and downright rude than I've ever seen them. Let someone else put up with them for a while.

I'll also be working a few hours here and there for Pros' mom's little accounting company. She tends to only have part time employees, and I'm always happy to help out soon to be family, especially if she's willing to pay a little to help with the bills. Maybe we'll start to talk more once we have a common subject, like work. It couldn't hurt!

Family portrait

This picture is from my brother's April wedding. Gram and Mom are seated. In the back is Grampa, Dad, my brother the rocker and his amazing bride, Pros and me on the end. Mom and Dad have each lost well over 30 pounds each since this photo was taken, but you get the general idea of where I came from.

Bad Girl Lesson #1

From The Bad Girl's Guide to Getting Personal, a book I received from Lynx. One of the best prezzies this season!

Things to Do with Condoms

(Use bright-colored, non-lubricated condoms unless otherwise indicated, or if you're like me and must use non-latex as well)

• Pet galoshes
• Slip on each foot before showering at the gym or at any frat house
• Cut off the tip, snip out two armholes, and make into a mod raincoat for Barbie!
• Lunchbox snack bags for carrots, cookies, or fruit
• Tie to the stem of your wineglass at parties so no one steals your glass
• Anti-theft, disposable cell phone case
• Open package, unroll, and drape on seatbacks to reserve your spot in crowded theaters when making a popcorn run
• Sassy garter belt / stash bag for formal events
• Fill two with Jell-o and pack in your bra for a Cheap-O boob job (If you get lucky, do a quick bait and switch. If you don't, you've got a late-night snack for the ride home.)
• Vibrator storage / travel bag
• Fill with Kool-Aid or juice and freeze (Makes a cool and refreshing Penis Pop!)
• Unroll a lubricated condom over each hand to moisturize hands and cuticles while watching movies at home.